I have this one problem about sec, at least I think so.
Hello. Well, I don't really know how to say it really or what I'm doing, but I think I've been having problems with sexual masochism. I know that sounds really super weird, so if it makes you uncomfortable, that's okay. Honestly, it makes me uncomfortable too. This may sound contradictory and stupid, but also I'm 16 and have never had sex or had any sexual experiences or anything like that. I just feel really weird and happy when someone insults me or hurts me or when I read fiction that's told from the point of view of a kidnap victim, and I've fantasized about being raped, or being tortured, or kidnapped for as long as I can remember, since before my first day of school, since before I knew that rape or sex were things that even happened to people in real life, or that there were words for it. It wasn't too much of a problem until I entered high school and started doing things like hanging around a guy who would shout at me in public, spend more time talking to older men, and find joy in the rare occasions wherein someone cares enough about me to hurt me, throw things at me, insult me, or scare me. Afterwards they always walk away laughing and I'm left feeling lonelier than ever. I always wish that they wouldn't stop. Lately nothing is enough to satisfy this need to be hurt or controlled. I just wanted to talk about it, to say it at least once. I've kept this a secret from everyone in my life. There's no need for them to know, and they'd never feel the same about me again. Lately I've been scared because loneliness is an emotion that's been inescapable. I know it's just because I want attention, I want someone to be able to get some pleasure from me, even if it's from my pain. I want to prove to myself that others see me as a human being, that it's possible for someone to look at me and not find me repulsive, that someone could give me the feeling of being touched by someone else because they want to, even if it's painful. I know this probably either makes you uncomfortable or you feel like I'm pathetic and wasted your time. I'm sorry, but I really want to be able to talk about this. If someone could tell me what to do to get rid of the loneliness or the desire. I couldn't find any support groups online for paraphilia or even sex-related psychological problems, and I didn't know who to talk to. I just put this here. I'm sorry. I can't get therapy or talk to a counselor because I can't let my family and friends know I'm struggling with this, and they've already been so tolerant with the depression and the OCD and anxiety and the eating disorder, I can't spring anything like this on them. Even though they're so kind, they would find all of this disgusting. Please, and help or advice or information about what's happening to
sorry I accidently pressed post while I was still fixing some grammar stuff.
in the title it was meant to say sex not sec
and at the end I just wanted to say thanks for listening and any information is appreciated.
@50storeyaviary
Sexual masochism can be a very healthy thing, when expressed properly. Since you have not yet been in a sexual relationship, it is understandable that this can feel very confusing. People who treat you badly, yell at you or humiliate you in public are NOT worth your time. It is very important to establish the distinction between sexuality and the rest of your life.
Finding a supportive partner who shares your desires (is sadistic, for example) can be helpful. Expressing what you are feeling in a safe environment, with a caring partner, can be a fantastic thing. There is nothing wrong at all with what you are feeling. However, find a partner (later in life), who cares about you as a person, who can respect you and love you, and still engage in kinky, masochistic sex, in a safe way.
Do not look to people who treat you badly. You deserve so much more. Machocistic desires are normal, just make sure that you are safe about it, and understand that, even if you enjoy this kind of thing in the bedroom, no one has the right to treat you like this in your every day life, and you should demand respect, always.
Thank you for being brave enough to share.
@LemonSea I never actually thought about it like that before. I was always too scared of it to acknowledge it for long enough to think that maybe the desire itself isn't intrinsically bad. What you said about finding a like-minded partner, how would I go about doing that? How do people usually find other people?
@50storeyaviary
If you are looking to just talk about this with like minded people, then things like internet forums of this nature can be helpful. I do, however, warn against meeting anyone in person from this kind of environment, just for your own personal safety. That said, just talking about and expressing these desires can be a very helpful and empowering thing. As for meeting people in real life, this is really just a process, like meeting anyone. Finding someone who you enjoy spending time with and being in a relationship with is a good first step, talking about mutual sexual wants would be a later step in the relationship which can be very rewarding for both partners envolved. Thank you again for your bravery in sharing. :)
I listened to your story, and you are so brave to write this out with such honesty. I don't think you are weird, and you should never feel that you have to apologize for baring your soul here 7 cups should be a safe and welcoming place to say whatever you need to get out in the open, without judgement. . I think you identified a lot of the reasons behind the feelings when you mentioned that you just need someone to be attentive, even if it is in your pain. Everyone needs to feel loved and cherished just for who they are - you are not alone. I encourage you to keep seeking help and answers, and I think you started the process right here. I know there are specific forums and trained Listeners that are ready to help guide you . I wish you well.
@MusicCandy Thank you. I'll keep trying to find answers like you said. This is my first time posting anything like this, so the support really means a lot to me.
@50storeyaviary I appreciate your willingness to share here; it must be incredibly tough to carry around these thoughts and feelings that you can't talk about with others in your life, and I admire your honesty. I found this article on psychologytoday that could perhaps provide some insight for you if you're interested--I don't know if it will be too helpful, though. If you ever want to talk more about this 1-on-1 don't hesitate to send me a message, I'd be happy to talk with you.
@Shanna Thank you. The article was actually very helpful, mostly because it at least says I'm not alone for thinking like this.
@50storeyaviary no problem at all, I'm glad that it was helpful!
@50storeyaviary
Um...HI! I'm a really weird and akward person, but none the less I will try to help you! >:I
I don't think masocism is a problem at all! Sometimes having people be total assholes to me cheer me right up, it's a great feeling to know you can relife stress off of others and be useful! I think, it's rather kind of you!
But, please don't be so self sacerficial to the point people look down at you and hurt you for their own pleasure! It's your life, you're the only one in this life span that deserves to be happy. Don't waste it off of leechs who only want to use you! You may be lonely, but you're absolutly better than that. Give yourself alittle more credit and respect yourself.
If its sex, I'm sure you'll eventually run into a sadistic partner. Like in that movie...50 Shades of Grey! <3
Well, everything is easier said than done, but I really hope that it helped you! >_<
We can talk sometime if you like! :3