Im lost inside

I have been struggling so much recently. I have psychosis which disrupts my tasks and studying and social skills and i cant think of ideas as easily. I use my delusions to imagine a different type of myself to escape the shame and guilt of having exhibitionism fantasies and maybe voyerism. I think porn caused this. My problem is girls i met recent years have physcial attraction or romantic i cant orgasm to the feelings maybe porn ruined those feelings. Im concerned in my fantasies that i masterbated until months ago that i masterbated to a few friends i knew for lonf time my concern is that mind imagined them since like middle school im worried that mind imagined them as they were younger i assume this since the face structure and hair and skin were the same. I did have pocd fear of being attracted to very young children. When i see my friends i knew them now just looking at them i get hypersexual and tense feelings. Am i a pe** or am i overeacting for what i mentioned earlier.