Intimacy

I’m turning 27 this month & as a woman I feel like my biological clock is running out. I have some health problems that can cause me to have a high risk pregnancy so it’s better for me to have kids at an earlier age.

My boyfriend & I tried conceiving last month for the first time & that was a bit of an experience having to try during my fertile window & during my ovulation period. It was not passionate at all which is expected & I read that it is normal since we’re trying to get it done on a timely manner.

The other night, when I asked him if he wanted to have sex outside of my fertile window, so we can actually take our time & enjoy it without any pressure, he told me that I ruined it for him & he doesn’t enjoy it anymore. I thought that if I showed him that I don’t just want to have sex just to conceive on my fertile window he would see & feel differently but now it feels like we just lost our intimacy.

I didn’t expect him to say that & it made me feel hurt because now that we were actually having sex for what it’s main purpose is for, to conceive, it doesn’t feel the same to him.

It honestly made me wish that I had waited to have sex with him until we were ready to conceive because now I felt like I gave all of myself up to him & it’s not as special to him.

I did some research & saw that it is normal to feel this way on both ends when trying to conceive. So I tried to share with him some information that I found so he’ll know he’s not alone. He didn’t say anything about it & I don’t know if he read it, but I just thought that might help him to see that.

We haven’t had sex since then & we’ve been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few days. When he falls asleep I end up crying myself to sleep in the other room up until two or three in the morning. I’m not sure if he’s heard me but he hasn’t said anything to me about it & I haven’t said anything either.

Lately, I find myself constantly asking myself, what if he won’t ever feel the same about having sex with me ever again & worse case scenario what if he tries to find it somewhere else?