Intimacy and conception issues
I'm married to my wife 4 years. We have no kids. We're both almost 40. I want children, and she doesn't seem that into it, even though she tacitly agrees. She agreed to go off birth control 3 years ago but we haven't conceived even though we have sex. I am sensitive that it's a touchy topic for her, she is afraid to go to the doctor to evaluate fertility issues. So I don't push it. But she doesn't really want to have sex often enough during ovulation. I'm the one who initiates the groundwork, getting her on a period tracking app, initiating intimacy, starting healthy habits for us both. If we try and can't conceive I will still love her, but if she doesn't try, and time runs out, I will feel resentful.
The other issue is sexual intimacy and physical affection overall. I have a need to grow with her, through sexual expression to strengthen our emotional bond
. But I don't know how to talk to her about it without causing her to feel defensive, as if I'm always criticizing or disappointed in her. I make a point to please her. I always make sure she has one to three orgasms before I have mine. I will often massage her, and I have changed my behavior (doing chores, being clean). I'm willing to entertain any kind of sexual exploration she's interested in without judgement, but she has no interest in new things. She wants to have sex once per week, but that's nowhere near enough for me, and I'm struggling in frustration but I have to be quiet about it. I feel under appreciated, and she says the same. I don't know where to go from here.
There could be a medical issue, we are trying OTC and natural remedies. I'm very grateful for her effort. I'm just worried this isn't working, it's taking too long, because nothing really has changed.
These issues made me consider divorce, but I suggested instead that we see a marriage or sex counselor. She didn't like that suggestion. Too expensive and doesn't want a stranger in our business. I still love her and I'm still willing to try. Does that make me a good husband or a fool?