Introducing myself
I have been a listener on this site for a week. In the real world I am a counselor with a kink-friendly practice.
When I was younger, I was diagnosed with BPD and self-harm. In my 30s I received some really excellent help, and met an incredibly supportive partner. I now give back by providing professional and courteous support to people living with BPD and similar, and personally understand the role of sexual identities, such as BDSM in providing a healing process for people living with mental health needs.
In my personal life, I am in a full-time BDSM relationship, and find that elements of respectful, non-sexual BDSM practice (that is, ethically utilizing the power dynamic between therapist and client) can be a useful agent of change.
I'd love to hear the thoughts of other contributors to the thread.
Welcome to 7 Cups, @FatherFigure :)
I imagine the concept of non-sexual BDSM may be quite surprising to some. Can you maybe give a couple general examples of what this means to you? (in the context of being useful agent of change in a therapist/client dynamic)
@soothingpurrr I have written some thoughts in response to @helpfulotter below. Ultimately, I have spent a lifetime engaged in the BDSM "lifestyle" as well as in providing life coaching and counseling services to people with BDP, eating disorders, depression, OCD, and so on (with no overlap originally). As I learned more about therapeutic change, I realized, that some people I was helping in my counseling practice (much like in my BDSM life) thrived when provided with firm direction, accountability, a more consequence-based approach, as well as a sense of mutual consent, non-judgment and unconditional positive regard. This differed from the therapeutic approaches which generally do not instill real accountability for following through on steps required to achieve meaningful change and improvement.
I have never personally physically punished, or tied down a client (as would occur in my private sexual BDSM life ), but I do utilize punishments -- requesting self-inflicted physical punishments, or I do "time outs" where the client is put on ignore (no sessions, no email, no calls) for a period of time.
I often work with couples to help one partner to become more "alpha" (as I term it) with the person needing help.
Certainly, this process is not for everyone, and a great deal of trust is required, but I have seen some very encouraging results.
I used to tell my boyfriend how I felt BDSM practices (primarily non-sexual ones) were extremely cathartic to me and helped me to heal. I never could really explain it though but I see how some parts of it can be really helpful and soothing to me and how my mental state works (my BPD diagnosis is pending). Not having that outlet has made things a little challenging and I have been on the search for things to replace that.
Sometimes I like to think of it as hitting the power button on the computer to restart it.
Welcome to 7 Cups! I am sure that you will be an awesome Listener here
@HelpfulOtter BDSM practices are very loving and nurturing and take a lot of the difficult decision-making away from people who are feeling overwhelmed. There are also clearly arranged rewards and consequences, so people know where they stand. Also, because the relationship is structured, consensual, and includes safety practices such as safe words, the member/client is able to relax into a state of mind where he/she is being controlled, but in a non-abusive way.
Therapeutic non-sexual BDSM (also called BDSM(t) in my upcoming book on the subject is most useful for people living with diagnoses such as BPD as well as medically-resistant depression, anxiety, OCD and other conditions.
One of the main difficulties in treating people with BDSM(t) is the application of punishments. Many people who benefit from this system have engaged in self-harm, or have been the recipients of neglect or emotional, sexual and physical abuse. Thus, differing from regular "sexual" BDSM, punishment should be a very last resort, only used when more positive approaches have failed.
Many thanks for the warm welcome. I do hope I can answer any questions you or other members of this forum may have.