No sex or intimacy
Hello,
I am hoping to connect and get advice on how to overcome this huge issue in my relationship. We can not currently afford therapy and I don’t believe my husband would be up for it. Our sec life is GONE. Been together 8 years and has never been a huge part but is has gotten to the point of maybe once every couple months. Also I am 27 and I feel like I am at an age where sex should be a regular thing! I have a much higher sex drive then him but I have also started feeling shameful for it… I feel like when I try to initiate I am “bothering” him or he will say “is this all you think about?” Am I wrong for wanting a sex filled relationship? I understand sex is not everything but I want it to be a big part of my relationship.. the foreplay.. the touching.. the kissing.. I want all of that everyday. And I don’t get any of it. I now feel so unsexy and unwanted. I have always hoped it would get better with time but it has gotten so worse. I’m constantly feeling unwanted or not enough for him. My needs are not being met but I don’t know how to explain that without it turning into an argument and hurting his ego. Am I wrong for bringing it up so stern that if it doesn’t improve our relationship has to end? I love him so much I just really want an intimate relationship.
I mean, it's fair to ask for what you want in a relationship. Your sexuality is just as important as his. I agree that having arguments is not a productive way to deal with it though. Would it be possible to maybe set up a time to talk about it when you're both rested and have time? Like maybe say something like
"Hey, I really need to talk to you about our sex life. I don't want to argue, I just want to have a conversation about it. When would you be available for that?"
And then if he does agree to have that conversation, maybe try to understand where his lack of a sex drive is coming from. There may be some other underlying issues.
You aren't wrong for bringing up your choices. You better try explaining your needs to your husband. After all one good conversation helps a lot :)
@bekind1
You are not wrong for bringing it up. Communicating your needs is a key component of any relationship.
