Sex/Intimacy
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have been in a relationship for 14 years. Sex was great initially but now after having a family I am not always in the mood. He really wants oral and I won't do it. Any tips on how to get myself in the mood and please him as well? Or how to get my sex drive back.
@shortwheel0511
Hello! I am a 7cups Listener of quite some time now. I admire your willingness to seek the help of others with your current marital situation. From my long experience in counselling couples in similar situations I can reassure you that your situation is not at all uncommon, and in many cases, can be resolved with some creative thinking and renewed commitment on both sides. If your marriage is working well in most aspects of it, then this intimacy situation is something that you can both work on together and find a workable and enjoyable love life again. Many marriages do find that the excitement and fun on the physical intimacy side can dwindle with passing time .. the novelty wears off and factors such as family and work demands can also add to the lack of opportunity and desire to enjoy intimate times together. But all of this can be reignited ... and the oral sex issue can also be discussed as you work through how to move forward. Presuming you both still have the same depth of feelings for each other, then these intimacy issues can be addressed with tried and trusted ideas and renewed exploration of each other. Indeed, the maturity you have both developed as individuals over the years of your marriage can really add a whole new dimension to the ways in which you express your love in a physical way. It is a joint responsibility however .... and the approach and attitude of you both will be what helps you define your future enjoyment of this part of your marriage. It can be done ... there are lots of ideas already available ... and talking to a counsellor might be worth considering initially. This has been my work for some considerable time, so I know just how worthwhile talking about such issues can be. Some counsellors even offer help without fees via access through voluntary organisations etc, with availability depending upon where you live of course. There is no need to be shy at all ...enjoying a good and healthy sex life is one of life's greatest gifts ... so make that first move and contact someone you feel would help you begin to rediscover your own intimacy again. I wish you the best of luck with it all!
Thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback.
@shortwheel0511
You are very welcome! I am sure that you will take a positive approach to your situation .. just be confident in yourself and be open-minded and realistic. Give yourself time and self-encouragement, set yourselves step-by step goals ... and go for each one in an atmosphere that is relaxed and full of mutual support, respect and love .... and a bit of fun too! If you wish to talk further, then I would be be happy to try to support you further. Just make contact should you wish to do so. I won't intrude otherwise! Take care and chase what you would like to have happen! My best wshes to you both.
I may take you up on that offer and send you a private message. I think figuring out Step 1 is the hardest.
@shortwheel0511
Please feel free to do so ... I will not judge you in any way, and do my best to give you whatever support I can. I've heard so many things that I am unshockable now, and therefore you have no need to feel embarrassed in any way. We go at your pace and in a direction you want to go. That is always my approach ... this is your time, not mine. You are very right .. making that first step is usually the hardest. Only you can decide if and when you are ready to do that. This is your life ... and you should have the control over it as much as possible. You are entitled to live as fulfilling a life as you can ... you are a human being first and foremost ... so you must attend to your own well-being and needs and wishes and be yourself! You will give already, I am sure, such a lot to others.. so there is no harm in thinking of your own happiness too! Don't let time slip by ... think about what you want/need for yourself .. and don't let your life slip by! If you do choose to message me, then I will of course respond in complete privacy and respect. If you don't, then that's fine. As long as you see my profile on the site, you will know I am still here to contact! I really hope you find your way forward!
@Lifelighter
SORRY ... for some reason, the site didn't send my last reply to you .. so I wrote it out again ... well, as much as I could recall ... and I resent it ...then suddenly they BOTH appeared!! So Sorry! I hate technology!!! LOL
@shortwheel0511
You are very welcome to make contact at any time ... just when you are ready to do so. You are right ... the first step is the hardest usually! It takes courage and trust .. and time! If you do decide to do so, then I will do my best to try to help and support you. I am unshockable now .. comes with experience ... and I will not judge you in any way. You can talk in a safe envrionment .. and be totally open. No need to feel embarrassed in any way. This is your time .. and you talk about you and your life. You are a human being ... and I am sure you want as fulfilling and happy life as possible. Most of us do! I am sure you give such a lot to others you love .. but you are also entitled to live a life that suits your needs and wishes. It is so important to live the life you would like as much as possible ... and your inner fulfilment and happiness will also benefit those you love .. so others will gain too if you are fulfilled. So never be afraid to think of yourself ... as a human being, you are also continuing to self-develop as you go through life. If sometimes your life hits a rut then working your way through it would seem to make sense .. doesn't it? And that is all you are doing .. thinking of yourself and your life. YOu know where to find me if you do decide you want to talk further .. in a safe and welcoming environment, you can be as open as you wish. We go at your pace and in your direction. That is how I always work. If m Profile is still on the site, then you know you can contact me ... and I will respond. If you decide not to do that, then just go forward with determination and you will reach your goals. It takes courage, time and love ... usually! Be positive, .. be confident ... be yourself! Best wishes again.
