Social Stigma and Mutual Consent
Hey all,
Out of curiosity I wanted to do some digging and contribute to this forum thread.
Recently, a close friend of mine has discovered that she enjoys bondage and other BDSM activities. As someone who has never experimented with it exclusively, while dabbling in this and that, I felt it important to educate myself.
In my research I came across an interesting article that shed light on the social stigma of bondage, and why consent is the tool of power in these communities. The general population is inclined to fear what it doesn't understand and I think these are one of those categories. So, I would like some feedback.
In what ways do you feel BDSM is falsely generalized or misunderstood?
Full Article Here: The Trouble With Bondage: Why S&M Will Never Be Fully Accepted
I've been active in the BDSM community for about 5 years, so if you have any specific questions I'd be happy to help :)
I think a lot of people don't have a proper understanding of what BDSM is or how it works. In a BDSMplay the submissive has all the power. They decide what happens, when, how much, when to stop, and everything in between. A lot of people think that BDSM is abusive or unsafe, or that the people who engage in it our mentally ill. The truth is that studies have shown that people who engage in BDSM have the same rate of mental illness as the non-kink community, and that the BDSM community has lower rates of abuse. People also think that BDSM is just about hitting people or tying people up, and it's really not. Kink is a huge spectrum.
@affectionatedime175,
Thank you so much for providing some insight. I think what you said is spot on and an opinion I can relate to. I have never participated in BDSM persay, but when I was younger I enjoyed blood-letting and restraints. I read up on the whole community of vampirism as it exists as its own full blown sub-culture, not that I identify with it, and it was intensely interesting. I like your point about mental illness. I would even be inclined to believe that people who partake in BDSM have lower incidences of mental distress because they have the opportunity to act on their desires and fantasies. I think many individuals feel restricted to traditional encounters for various reasons. We all have unique needs whether we are prepared to admit them to ourselves or not.
"Difference creates dispute. Dispute: A reason to fight."
Thanks again!
@affectionatedime175
Hey, I'm rather new to the community. My last partner experimented a lot and we discovered that both of us really like it. It's been a couple of months now, and we've broken up, but I don't want to let that aspect of my sex life disappear. Can you tell me how it is you even bring it up with others? Thanks a lot.
@TheJasoonc
Thank you for your input! I would say it depends greatly on your ability to openly discuss your interest with others. Some feel very reluctant to share intimate parts of themselves while others are generally less guarded. I would assume there are communities online dedicated to this kind of lifestyle. Perhaps do some digging?
Good luck!
I think part of the start of every healthy relationship is dicussing the things you like and don't like with your partner. I wouldn't be afraid to bring it up if the conversation goes that way. I think it also depends on what you're into. People who are interested in "lifestyle" relationships (where they live it 24/7) should probably only date people who are already really into it. But if the play you're doing is more in the direction of light bondage, spanking, etc. you should just be able to bring it up to a partner when the moment presents itself. I advise starting slow ("would you like to try being blindfolded during sex", rather than "Would you like to be peed on"). In my experience most people are open to trying new things and experimenting in bed, so be honest about what you like, and be open to your partner doing the same.
The easiest way to get into a kinky relationship, of course, is to date someone who is already kinky. There are a number of ways to do this - most cities (or even large towns) have BDSM groups that meet regularly to hang out and try new things, sothat might be a good resource for you. You may also want to check out fetlife.com. It's life Facebook, but for kinksters. It's a great way to meet people and learn more about the stuff you like.
Thank you for telling the world about this. I find it incredibely stressful because I like BDSM and no one is really educated unless they're into it. They all pretty much think that it's abuse and all the other terrible things they think it is, but it's not. As I have said before, trust has a huge part in this. Like you said, subs have the power and most people think that it's the doms. Yea... They execute the actions while the subs tell them what is okay and what is not. BDSM is really misunderstood and I myself have been skeptical at times before I did some throrogouh research. It's so beautiful, the connections partners make but I can understand why people rather not engage in these activities. For some people, vanilla is all they need in life, and that's okay.
