When neither partner initiates intimacy
I have a quandary and wondered if anyone had some insight or thoughts.. some helpful ideas.
Married for 4 years, together for 10, one small child. Marriage not in a good place. Total lack of intimacy for 2 years and counting.
Taking to the counsellor tonight, I actually think one of our biggest issues is that neither one of us is a natural instigator of intimacy. What do you do when neither party find it a turn on to be the one who instigates/ takes the lead?
I feel like I make all the decisions, have to take the lead in planning, organising, orchestrating most areas of our life and it seems like he wants me to take the lead in the bedroom too! I feel a bit resentful.. I don't want to be in charge all the time. And its not a turn on for me at all.
Looks like I'm going to have to compromise here too. So.. how do you resolve a dead sex life when neither party wants to instigate?
It seems that the lack of intimacy isn't the only problem in your relationship, and that he isn't trying hard to make things work. This doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care, there could be several reasons. Talk to him about how you feel, your sex life, and any unsatisfactory aspects of your relationship. Regarding your question, it doesn't matter which of you two will start intimacy again after some time. The important thing is that it is not always and only one of the two partners to do it. Relationships require reciprocity, in all respects.
