sex therapy
i think i need help. I almost had a full blow breakdown in the grocery store, fighting back tears, trying to tell myself i’m not pathetic.
quick & dirty: i have a LOT of what I’ll call bad thoughts. I have been married 20+ yrs, the last 4-5 sex has been practically non-existent and unsatisfying. (long story but this is abridged) I love my husband. but i am constantly fighting my desires to have sex with someone else….. i need sex. now. and talking to him he ‘s not at a place for it. I cant stop thinking about it. im afraid. but i know i need help. i wanna be able to say all the things on my mind… i am afraid to be around anyone. i dont know what to do…but distraction is NOT working. anyone have it bad like me…..im having physiologic responses to arousal and i cant focus. i will definitely need a sex therapist but i needed to say it now because im going crazy.
Let's talk privately
Which country are you from
@affableCamp871 Hi there, tysm for replying to my call for help. At this time, I’m thinking the most beneficial of conversations will be had publicly. If you have been in my situation, and would like to share what worked for you, I would love to hear what worked for you. ❤️ ty
Hey there, I know it's been so hard for you to resist at this point, but think about the love your husband has given to you in those past 20 years. Sex isn't a bad thing to have, desires aren't bad to have. But controlling them is on a next level. And you're doing it so remarkably which deserves a loud appreciation for you girl. You've been remarkable in the past 20 years of life and you will be remarkable for the next years too.
@resourcefulHouse8812
TYSM!!!! It’s been soooo challenging ❤️❤️❤️
I know but i know that you'll successfully pass this challenge too girl. 🥰
@dulldaisy Do you try to satisfy yourself on your own with toys? I actually disagree with others and think it's reasonable to find these needs very important in a relationship. Could you talk to your husband about maybe exploring an open relationship or alternative ways of satisfying you besides intercourse? While you connect with your partner in many other ways, it's okay to feel that your needs aren't met, and maybe couples therapy is what you need more than sex therapy. Just my two cents.
@daydreamer47 @dulldaisy
I agree with you both.
Going through very similar situation daisy with partner who has his own set of issues. starting couples therapy. imo as a woman, feeling rejected by a man for sex... I think it can also hurt self esteem a ton.
Hoping therapy together(couples sex therapy- because we have some proclivities) will help us find a solution and work through it.
I hear you so much on those fantasies being a distraction!!
I started to manage it with toys and writing smut. I'm not joking. It helped me release the fantasy, gave me something to remember for a toy sesh😅, but also i truly hope it becomes a sex bucket list once we have moved past the road blocks. I also buy myself super cute lingerie monthly just to enjoy it for me.
besides masturbating, with and without toys, i find talking about it relieving. that ma why i was contemplating a sex therapist. so i can talk through it. it’s helpful. kinda like a release.
@Daydreamer47
TYSM. i am the queen of toys. but post-covid it’s hard solo due to everyone being home and together, we are NOT there.
i have mentioned open relationship but given the last time, that’s a hard no.
Beware of open relationships, we are same 20 years very happy thou, sex 4 x week great kids etc. My best friend has been divorced 7 yrs no sex,, no hope for any, he's 6' over 300# and grumpy. My wife got drunk one night and let him play with her breast, and she really liked it, fast fwd 6 months we have had several fun weekends I think it's all great, and I catch her crying she breaks down an tells me she's madly in love with him...OOPs
Remember all the good your husband has done for you and remember that you both have needs. Think about all the amazing thing you guys have done together and why your marriage is so important.
Don’t give in! There are much more important things to go by!
I 100% feel u on this. I’m sorry
I 100% feel u on this. I’m sorry
Hi Daisy, I hope you and your husband are making pieces in this issue. Having a good sex life is an important part of a relationship. Maybe he should go to therapy, or you two could go together. Navigate this together and reclaim your rights to intimacy
@dulldaisy
It sounds like your body’s craving intimacy and release, but your marriage’s drought is making every thought feel louder
A good sex‑positive therapist can help you explore those desires safely and figure out ways to meet your needs without blowing up your life, like a safe space to talk about fantasies before they turn into mistakes.