shock of my life. .
I was going about my morning dropping my son off when I got a strange text from an old number. It read, " hey one of my exes gave me something, I just came back from the clinic and you need to get check out ASAP". A guy I dated in November and had unprotected sex with and entirely one time gave me something. I've been clean my whole life. I couldn't stand to accept that. I messed up. I'm a failure. I set up an appt for Monday, the suspense is killing me. I can't think of anything else but that, I couldn't work right, I didn't eat. I cried in the car today, and thought of what a mistake I've made. I could die. Whatever it is I may have, may kill me, alter my life forever. I just wanna go into seclusion and never speak again. I don't know what to do.
It sounds like you're in a state of shock at the moment, which is an entirely normal reaction to that sort of news. Right now, your perception is bound to go directly to all-or-nothing thinking, which can make coping next to impossible.
At this point, the first thing to focus on is to relax. Take some deep breaths and allow yourself to consider your options. Sure, you could choose to allow this situation to consume you whole, but it won't help assess the situation.
Having had unprotected sex does not make you a failure. Even if you did contract something, it doesn't make you a failure. Many STDs can be contracted even if you do use protection. Condoms are not 100% effective. We all make decisions at every moment in our lives, and this, like anything else, makes you human.
The good news to come out of this is that this person had the decency to inform you of his results. Oftentimes when these are caught early enough, treatment is more effective - that is, if you have anything at all. Just because his result had come back positive, it doesn't automatically mean yours will too.
Get in to see your doctor as soon as possible. The best line of attack against the unknown is to inform yourself.
Take care, and feel free to write to me anytime.
-D.
I pray that you hear positive news when you see your doctor. Sometimes we make mistakes in the past that would catch up with us when we least expect but know that all is not lost. I am not sure if you believe in Jesus, -I do, and i hope you wont mind me praying for you.