17 month relationship ended after only 3 weeks long distance

Ex and I both found each other when getting out of bad relationships, rushed into things a little too quickly and lived together for a year. She has major depressive and self harm troubles. She tried to break off a few times saying she needed space, I asked her to give me time and she didnt have to go through this alone. She would change her mind and give me time and everytime we did this (4 times) we would be(or seem to be) better than ever. I did everything I could to help her be happy and make her feel safe. She was very kind and sweet to me. I got completely blindsided when I realized she was talking to her ex. She lied to me about being with her friend when she was with him, they talked about being together. I was very hurt and that was the 4th time we broke up. I said that I forgive her and that I will let her go if she truly wants this, she called me a day later and we got back together but living separately. When we realized I was moving to another state we decided to live together the last few weeks. I warned her that I get very anxious and hopeless when I leave the state and i might need some help. Everything is going fine long distance until I see her location is somewhere I dont know. I asked her in an attempt to rebuild trust to just briefly let me know what she was doing. I called her and she said she was meeting a friend she used to crush on alone at night. I had an anxiety attack and one or two more after that. It turned into a fight and she hung up on me.