30 and never been in a relationship

I don't know if this a sad or funny story. But let me begin.

Iam 30 years old and iam going to turn 31 this year.

During my whole life I was never in a relationship and if I said I didn't had a crush, during my teenage years, that would be lie. But it always was just on sideded. And to those who asks, why I didn't confess, I did, but I got always rejcetd. So one day I just got sick of it and gave up and yes, eventhough I said it's OK to be single it stil hurt each time, when I saw my friends having a relationship. The joke is, I thought the reason why no one liked me wa because I was braun. I mean they loved black people, but I was braun so.... But this is another story. Let's say I had very bad experience being the color one between the white. But like is said, it's another story.

So as the year passed by i thought that love or relationship isn't important like having a good job and going after what I like. So by the time I became a workaholic, to escape my own thoughts and wishes.

I was 27 when I had my first date, but it didn't well

But I didn't give up expecialy because people started to question my sexualty. And didn't belive what I said, I mean still now they don't belive me and how much it hurts why iam doomed to be single. However after that i went on many dates but I notice that people, this time accept my color but not me as a person. They saw my country (India) in me but not the person who I was.

And for those who were from India, I was merely a women who should follow the rules, nothing more and nothing less.

And now, my whole life become work, with no space for privat life. And recently I noticed that iam not able to watch a normal love story without its triggering me or find myself crying.

I never said these to anyone, cause if u own mother isn't able to understand ur feeling how will anybody else understand u? How can u admit that ur jealousy of other people happiness or how can u dare to have ur Love story, if ur always the one who get freindzoned.

Even now iam crying 😢 while typing this. So iam sorry for all the writing mistakes, as I use my phone. Also iam not a native English speaker.