A Year of Bad Decisions
I know I may sound stupid and this question may have a simple obvious answer but...I guess I just need to hear from someone else. I'll try to make the story short but the whole story none the less. In 2019 I was having an extremely hard time. I just quit my job because of an incident that happened between me and a fellow employee. It's not that no one believed me but it turns out the cameras were not working when the incident took place. Higher ups didn't want to pursue it so they just closed the file after giving him a write up and classes. I couldn't really cope with it all and I was barely showing up to work because they couldn't justify changing our shifts even during the investigation when he realized that I had reported him. Plus I wasn't confident I could keep doing a good job constantly looking over my shoulder. Things didn't really go well after that I retreated back into myself. I barely went out. I just kept blaming myself and regretting even coming forward. I just wanted to get out of my head. When I was finally managed to get myself together and get some kind of employment I met John. It was friendly at first we had an alarming amount of things in common and he wasn't scared away by my sadness. Eventually we started a relationship and it distracted me from everything in my head. What I'm about to say is really stupid but to add context I've always been a good girl following the rules not dating till college even so I didn't have much in the way of dating or relationships. I wanted to shed that persona that always seemed to do more harm to me then good. So I decided to take a walk on the wild side and do things I wouldn't normally do with him including agreeing to have a threesome with another girl. I was nervous at first but he supplied me with alcohol and other substances. While I was seriously out of sorts he told me that the woman we were about to meet was actually his wife who he has an open relationship with. We all got together a multiple times but most of the times he would just sleep with me. Eventually, his wife told me that she was pregnant again and began to leave whenever John and I would meet. Ultimately, they both began to fight about her pregnancy, his attention to her, and constantly seeing me. I kept trying to break it off but I was addicted to his distracting me and I couldn't stop seeing him. Later last year he told me that his wife who is pregnant had tested positive for an std and I needed to get tested. It was my first std and honestly I didn't know how to feel about it other than mortified. I decided after getting tested that I needed a break from them to get perspective. It just so happened around that time his wife lost it and sent me a message from his social account saying that not only did she tell him she no longer wanted an open relationship but after reading our messages to each other that he actually spent the night with me when she was sick in the hospital and she was filling for divorce. I decided to take this as an out and delete my account and cease all contact with him. Until February I'd spent several days wondering if he and she was okay and beating myself up for helping cause this. So I decided to check another social media account that we used and saw that he messaged me three times begging me to call or text him. Against my better judgment I did and we met and slept together. It didn't take me long to realize I was exhibiting signs of an std. I know this probably seems cut and dry but I just need to the extra push. I'm going to stop seeing him I just need help with what to say to him and do.
You don’t sound stupid and honestly I’ve been rewriting my responses for this for hours because its complicated and it must’ve been hard going through this. I feel like you already know what you want to say to him, you haven’t really said of how you felt throughout this. So, I don’t really get of how your feeling and it’s important because it’s going to reflect on what your going to say to him. But I feel like he should’ve told you that he had a wife, I understand open relationships are a thing but I feel like the wife didn’t want that. There’s some sort of manipulation happening here and I don’t wanna point any fingers on John but I feel like he manipulated you into having threesomes like said you said he used alcohol and other substances. So I wanna understand, what happened in more details.
Thank you for putting a great deal of thought into your response. I am really struggling with all of this especially after writing it all out. As for the first time he introduced me to his wife. It started out as just talk and when we finally got together he just told me that he wanted to loosen me up because I was so shy and guarded so he gave me a cup of alcohol. (I am really self conscious about being shy and after everything that has happened I find myself struggling with seeing myself as damaged and really abnormal. But he just really accepting of the way I was and that I could be strange me with him. Also I'm really not that social and relationship knowledgeable to be honest I've never been in a relationship before which I shared with him as well. Admittedly, I feel like the only reason I'm really struggling with what to say to him is because I care about him and what happens to him. ) I was really nervous so I drank it all then he offered me some of the drugs he was using. I told him it would be my first time because I'd never done drugs till that point. It's not that I didn't want to I just wanted to not be shy around him anymore even if it was temporary. And after two or three cups and a couple of puffs I didn't feel shy anymore. That's when he told he had a confession to make that the girl that was coming was his wife and they had an open relationship. He left and a very few minutes later she came in asked if I was alright, smoked a little and then it started. When it was done they left me there and went home. Then it just became apart of seeing them/him drugs and alcohol until she admitted that she was pregnant. Eventually she stop participating and I only saw John who assured me she was fine with everything as well as that she was also seeing someone that she had been with even before we met. Again thank you for listening and I hope I helped fill in some blanks.