Afraid that my gf cheated.
I feel stupid for dwelling on this but it's never been resolved and I hurt still every day. I've been with my partner for almost 4 years and during the first year, she had a drug problem that she hid from me. It hurt me immensely that she lied to my face constantly. She was on meth and used in the bathroom while I was home, in the garage, her car, her job etc. I had suspected and confronted her many times and she would resort to blowing up at me and denying vehemently. I've never been on drugs so this was all very traumatizing to me and she tore my heart out. Eventually I threatened to go and got her to confess. When she did, I was furious and felt like the stupidest person in the world for allowing myself to be tricked. I chose to stay and she eventually stopped meth because we moved out of state(she had no more drug connections). There was one night however in particular before she stopped using that troubles me deeply every day. She had decided to get high when I wasn't with her. I lived in another town at the time. She didn't talk to me on the phone until the next morning and one of her friends(who she had slept with before knowing me) was over at her house getting high with her. I don't like that she would have him around and I never trusted him being around her because he had feelings for her and he was a drug connection for her. She swears that she didn't have sex with him that night and I don't believe her. I don't know what to do. She has completely eroded every bit of trust I have in her. To this day she sobs when I tell her that I think she slept with him, she denies, and seems sincere outwardly but any time she's lied she "seemed" sincere. She has offered to take a polygraph but I don't want to have to polygraph someone I'm with. Seems like it is hopeless. I hurt so bad that I can't function. 😔
Also I have to add that she lied about the fact that she used to have sex with the guy who was hanging out at her house.
@Hereticcatlady77
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That must be hard to deal with.
Firstly, you need to know if she is cheating. I found a website with good signs.
Even if she wasn't this sounds like a toxic relationship so evaluate what you think would be the best thing to do for your happiness and why?
@Hereticcatlady77
I hear you, this is a terrible situation to be in. With everything that has been going on since the initial deception regarding her drug problem, your obvious determination to work through issues and the current trust breakdown, I can understand why you're hurting and feeling hopeless about this whole relationship.
Love being an emotion, we can't choose who we feel love for; it just happens. A relationship however, is a conscious mutual decision to be together with basic expectations of feeling safe, loved and respected (of course they can evolve to include a lot more). Perhaps you might want to consider what you're seeking in a relationship, and see if there is a reasonable path from the present situation to where you'd like to be!
A lot can be achieved if both partners are committed to making things work but rebuilding trust can need firm boundaries. You're quite right, a polygraph doesn't seem like the correct approach for trust building. It sounds like the issue in question is about a night in the past. Since she has already denied the sex, and lied about sex previously, you then are faced with two practical choices. Either she did or she didn't. Fact is, despite repeated instances of lying to you, she chooses to be with you! You choose to be with her too. Why? The answer to this question will help you understand your path forward.
It truly is a difficult situation and I wish you the best. Feel free to share on here anytime, you are not alone!
