A letter to a friend (Why I'm letting this go)
Dear friend,
This is a very difficult and painful decision for me, and it is NOT a decision that I originally wanted to make. However, after having been through so many friendships where I've been led on and lied to, and ultimately left in the dirt with no explanation why, I don't have any other choice. I have already established that I will NOT make a priority any relationship where I am considered merely an OPTION. You tell me to "always stay the same" and that you are my friend and that I am yours, but do you REALLY mean it? Which one of us has really changed? Because I haven't ...
You tell me that you want to keep this friendship going, but you do not reply to my messages ... but there you are messing around in those filthy chatrooms, getting yourself in trouble and suspended from the site, only to log on again with an endless supply of usernames and profiles. I have already establised that I have high moral standards that I will defend like a LION, and guess who's gonna win that fight? I'm not going to compromise my moral standards to hang on to a failing friendship when you have no intention of remaining my friend. So, I'm telling you right now that I'm not going to play this GAME. That's what it is ... this is an emotional mind game that you've got going on, trying to keep me attached in a codependent relationship. Guess what, man? It ENDS, right now!
I've been through losing my best friend to pancreatic cancer and losing my beloved aunt in a 5 month span, and also having several coworker friends leave my workplace for other jobs, so I've had my share of grief already. I really don't need this MIND GAME gong on with you, I DON'T. I've been through enough failing "friendships" like this one, including one where this manipulative imposter of a "friend" turned on me when I reached out to him for support when my best friend who passed away was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So, let me be the one to let this go and say goodbye first.
I'm not going to miss trying to stay attached to someone who led me on to believe I was their friend and they were mine, I won't.
However ... I WILL miss the times we posted and chatted with each other on here. Yes, I will miss those times that you encouraged me and told me to "always stay the same" because back then, I took your word for it and believed that you meant it. Unfortunately, I don't think that friend is here anmore. Where have you gone??
If you're dealing with some mental issue such as depression, biipolar, or whatnot ... I can empathize and understand, and I'm not gonna judge you on that, friend. In fact, I would try to be as supportive of you as I can ... but you have to be honest about it and talk to me, and stop playing with me about this double life stuff because I'm really not okay with that ... all right?
Peace, friend ... I'm sorry to be somewhat harsh in this letter but I really don't like how this has been going, so I have to be honest about it. If you want to be a true friend ... you know my moral standards and my friendship philosophy, and perhaps we can try again later, but for now, I gotta let this go.
@niceDaisy36
Here's my letter that I mentioned about in my PM yesterday. This is applying mainly to A, but it is also a general letter to all those failed friendships that I've dealt with in the past as well and those that might come my way later.
If anyone else would like to reply and give feedback, advice, or (much needed) support, you're welcome to do so. 
@AbbyHarris1976
Initially thanks for the tag Abby, and also good that you wrote about this in the forum, expressing your views
.
@niceDaisy36
Thank you so much! This is a good place to do it!
@AbbyHarris1976
the right place abby and you did it in a great way.. no tagging, honest, clear.. i really support your post..
@niceDaisy36
You're welcome!
I'm on the desktop PC and I'm about to go off of this soon, so I'll have to get to your other post on this thread tomorrow. THank you so much for posting it, though ... it really means a lot to me! 
@AbbyHarris1976
Hello Abby, am glad that you thought to express about this through the forum and vent upon. Something we all need is to vent so as to let go of things that aint in our control or that had hurt us. I hope things get well soon for you and you find new stable friendships and embrace all the friendships that you are having in your life.
Take care.
@niceDaisy36
*sometime
@niceDaisy36
Thank you so much, and taking solace in our riends and praying to God for new ones and for His guidance is the best way to go! Already, it seems like I'm dusting myself off and I'm going to keep trying!
I'm still gonna do like he says and "just stay the same" by doing what I can to support others, in a positive way, who are going through similar situations, and who knows? Maybe he might take note of that and be my friend again ... although I'm not doing this just to convince him to come back, I'm doing it to move forward!
@AbbyHarris1976
Yes i believe God's guidance is necessary always, and he will guide us helping us find new,trusted and stable friendships
.Yes i hope with you sending the birthday card he will realise and understand about the friendship you both shared, i hope he starts to talk again. Future aint in our hand, yet we try to do the best from our side so that future is good. So i hope with the bday card your both friendship will shine
.
Yes, its a good thing he wrote "Please stay the same". Its true i just think about how people just changes just like seasons. But am glad and happy that you are still the same person and you havent changed a bit, and i know you wont ever, coz you are a kind person. I met people who were really like the seasons and changed from so called friends to even my enemy as well, i still wonder about those.Yet i hope i get people in my life who will be like waves that they will keep coming again and again and talk with me always.Am glad to see your forum posts as being able to reply and express my views as well, coz i have faced many fallen friendship, yet happy for the few good ones in life.
@AbbyHarris1976
you do well Abby! Venting is good and youre an amazing person..
@AbbyHarris1976
I have a question..Have you ever met this person in real life? If not than it seems like a lot of work to just make this long post. I mean you could have blocked him or something right?
@Zulegirl
First of all ... I tend to take friendships seriously unlike many in today's world who are okay with fake friendships. The person who this letter is based on came to me first, and I took his word for it. Not everyone is able to see through it right away, so pardon me if I couldn't.
Second of all, it's also a general letter but it's based on a failed friendship. I'm sure there ar others who have been in this situation as well and I'd like them to know that they're not alone.
Lastly ... I posted this also for support, and it seems that you don't have any to offer. If you don't have anything nice or supportive to say, kindly stay out of it. Thank you.
@AbbyHarris1976
I know how it feels when we face these times. I have gone through those times.But am so happy that i found new and trusted ones who values me and understands me. Its really hard when we trust a person and like them as friend, yet they somehow unable to understand us. I dont know personally about that person who told you that he was your friend but went away.Yet i hope he atleast understands his mistake.For me i feel, any relationship and friendship can only work if there is mutual trust, and when one doesnt then its really hard for the other one (i have been in those time, so i know quite well).
I know it can be hard for you to deal with this situation and cope with it.Yet whatever happens, happens for a reason, shaping us for future to find good people and have a good life.I believe this ,as once i was going through tough time but am so happy that by God's grace, i saw blogs of a person and replied, to which she replied me back. We often send messages to each other and are in contact. Am so happy to have her in my life as a friend and sister, coz she is best than any friend i had. I know people may think that as weird,coz we havent met, yet i adore her and love her as friend and i know she trusts me too.
So Abby, dont let this just make you feel sad.Things happen that we dont want, yet we have to move ahead, its your life, you are a positive, wonderful and friendly person.
You, i and all people who have faced this paused friendship will find new people in life, who will value and understand us. Be our friend.
Tagging: @Ottie @Isentropic @Lavendersubmarine @vroomvrooom @scenicwindow @BlueDusk99
@niceDaisy36, thank you for the tag, Daisy !
@AbbyHarris1976 .... I can but imagine the reflection and courage it took to bare your feelings with felicity and restraint to pen this thought-provoking missive, Abby. I am with you on this one. Go Abby !
@scenicwindow
Thank you scenic.Take care😁
@niceDaisy36
Thank you so much!
What's unfortunate about this situation is that because I took his word for it earlier, does that mean I should brush off any seemingly sincere compliment offered me and avoid seeking out such friendships? I hope not to, but dealing with this time and time again could lead me to become more avoidant as a defense mechanism. I'd still like to believe that not everyone who initially shows interest in starting a friendship with me actually has other ulterior motives that are much less honest and moral. Bottom line is stuff like this can really mess with your trust. 
Ironically, this friendship with this person began right here in this very community under another thread when he replied to a post in which I expressed gratitude for receiving a sincere compliment from someone else.
Anyhow, I;m still going to pray for him despite what happened. Although I don't have the power to touch and change hearts, God does.
I also thank God for sending me friends like you and all those you have brought to this thread to support me in this time of my need. Thank you so much.
@AbbyHarris1976
Thanks Abby for replying.
I am INFP and HSP like you, so i can understand you as i have gone through series of fallen friendships in my life. Where people initially were good, took help from me, yet later on just vanished. I never had any friendship end with argument cause i am shy, introverted and i am not in arguments. but all my friendship stopped as gradually with time they just paused.And i had no clue why did those people pause from their side. Yet am glad to move away from people who thought me as mere option, and found good friends.
Compliment is necessary in life as gratitude and appreciation is also necessary. We all compliment each other when we are proud of them and happy as well. It doesnt mean that all people who compliments are the unecessary buttering people.But what i do is, when i love a person, its based on trust and this trust get formed bit by bit over a long period of time, as i cant trust a person soon, as i have seen people having just fake veils.
One or dozens of fallen friendship never means that we wont find true friends in life. I always used to think about why i hardly had too many friend or why i always faced fallen friendship, but all i understand gradually was there was a difference in the wavelenght of the thoughts, aims and aspiration between me and them. Coz i have people in my life and specially that sister whom i met via blogs, we share things and they all understands. Compliment is necessary in life always, but since you are infp or anyone else even, i'll say that, its hurts deeply when people whom we trusted turns out to be complete different. Yet Abby, just remember about ur good friends whether offline or online and be grateful that God has got a filteration method much like the semi permeable membrane which is basically time. Time does tell who will pass through it and stay with us, and indeed time does tell who will not get through it and leave us.
All is be patient, enjoy life, and embrace yourself. Am glad to have some friends like you and others and grateful to 7cups.
Take care, have a good day ahead
@niceDaisy36
INFP and HSP all the way for me, also.
It's always tough when those we initially take to heart leave and we don't know why. In my opinion, even though I don't like to argue, it's better to discuss what went wrong in order to learn from it and set boundaries when needed. One example could be ... if that friend felt like he had to get away from it all and not talk to me, he could just tell me that he's not feeling that great and won't be communicating for so-and-so a time, so I should not expect to hear back for that time.
That's so true about compliments and trust. It definitely takes time. The other thing about time is ... it moves more quickly and does its thing more quickly when we're not looking.
@AbbyHarris1976
It's true, time passes so soon. I wish all my fallen friendship ended atleast with a clear cut confession from my so called friend's side so that i would have got chance to know why were some of those friendship on the verge of extinction. Yet i cant change people, all i did is changed myself emotionally, as i made myself stronger to aim for the friendships to come and to let go of the toxic or just one way friendship. Yet i cherish the memories of all of my previous friends and i remember how good time it was when we were friend.Indeed time passes away soon.But am grateful to time for showing me who are the real ones and who are the ones that least care about me.
@AbbyHarris1976 Been in similar shoes. Hope writing the letter helped.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
It definitely helped. Even if the one that it's primarily meant for never reads it, I also posted it to get support because having to make a decision like this ranks right up there with actually grieving over someone who had passed away. In this case, it wasn't an actual person who passed away, but perhaps my perception or idea of who this person was or who this person was portraying he was to me.
@AbbyHarris1976 I love your post and your strength! From reading your post I think you and I are going through many of the same things and would love to chat sometime! I admire the fact that you had the strength to walk away, my "best friend" of almost a decade have been going through that too and I just don't have the strength to let it go because I care about him so much and because of that I continue to let him take advantage of the fact that I will always run right back! I may not even know you but I am very proud of you for walking away, I wish I could find the strength to do the same!
@Carma7710
Thank you so much, and also, welcome to the Friendship and Relationship board here on 7 Cups! I'm a regular 7 Cups member on this board and several others, so you can find me posting on several forums, and I'm also on the feeds a lot, as well (although they're quite buggy lately, so if you wanna follow my feed, you'll have to keep clicking it from my profile to read my feed posts because they no longer go into follower's feeds and vice versa).
Losing a friend like that, especially unespectedly and inexplainably, was really tough for me because I've been through a lot of grief in the last year and also I have struggles with social and relationship anxiety ... those two iissues tend to spiral down into depression which can get difficult to push through. So, I'm regularly on this forum as well as the Anxiety and Depression forums. I'm also on General Support, Appreciation/Gratitude, Family & Caregivers, and Kitchen Table (I created a Comedy Thread there which is hilarious ) on a relatively regular basis.
