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Am I in the right relationship?

User Profile: littleotterchild
littleotterchild November 29th, 2016

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. He is 21, he is extremely depressed (suicidal thoughts) and has crippling anxiety. He dropped out of uni because of his mental illness, and now isn't in the right frame of mind to get a job which has led to him having an awful relationship with his parents. He was getting money from a disability allowance but they deemed him well enough to come off it, so now he has no source of income either, so yeah, he's not well. But the thing is, I'm trying so hard to be there for him and I love him more than anything but his mood swings, inability to cope under stressful situations and raging temper which he "gets from his dad" is really taking a toll on my well-being too. I am 18 now, doing A-levels at school so I'm coping with a lot of stress right now myself, and I feel sad and responsible for his happiness too.. Every time he talks about how he feels like he wants to die, I listen really hard and try to tell him how much he's worth, but when I need to talk about something that's making me upset he always shrugs it off and somehow the conversation always reverts back to him and how he is depressed and anxious, etc. I feel as though I am giving all the support in the relationship at the moment and am getting very little in return. He keeps calling off plans to meet my parents because he is too nervous which makes me worried because my parents keep asking me when they can meet him - another added stress! I have tried talking to him about this and it worked for about a day but now he has gone back to not listening to me if I need to open up.

What should I do? Am I supposed to be in this relationship if I'm feeling so sad? Should I feel as guilty as I do for feeling upset when he's the one with depression? Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

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User Profile: 2wheelsdown
2wheelsdown November 29th, 2016

@littleotterchild

You are not a bad person. You are trying your best to care for and support somebody you love, but you are not a doctor, therapist or magician to "fix" him.

He needs to seek professional help or find solutions on his own. If being with him is damaging you emotionally and mentally, you may have a hard decision in front of you.

3 replies
User Profile: littleotterchild
littleotterchild OP November 29th, 2016

@2wheelsdown he's trying to get CBT and he's on the list but the wait is so long.. I don't know how long I can wait.

Thank you for your help <3

1 reply
User Profile: 2wheelsdown
2wheelsdown November 29th, 2016

@littleotterchild

I'm glad he's on the list at least.

Loving someone with mental illness can be frustrating and painful.

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User Profile: Ladybug11
Ladybug11 December 20th, 2016

@2wheelsdown

I was about to say exactly the same, I aggree 100%

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User Profile: 3brooke4
3brooke4 November 30th, 2016

I can only imagine how awful this situation is for you.

Hopefully he can get help soon and your relationship will get better.

Just make sure you take time for yourself and take care of yourself. I know you want to be there for him all the time, but when it affects and adds stress to your life and future, you need to make sure you're giving yourself time to relax and keep yourself sane

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you