Anxious boyfriend
Hi so my boyfriend has bad anxiety sometimes and it causes some pretty bad arguments where he is just mean sometimes to me and I understand his feelings but I also don’t wanna validate that negativity and I would like some tips handling and managing and helping those with anxiety
@humorousSail2676
Hi there! Thank you for sharing a bit about what you're dealing with. It certainly doesn't sound easy to manage.
When it comes to significant others who suffer from anxiety disorders, it can often be difficult in the beginning (either of the relationship or of the disorder's development) for the non-suffering partner to understand and really flow well with what their partner is going through. Like you said, arguments can ensue, and people can say things which they might not mean or say if they weren't suffering from anxiety and are likely experiencing significant stress. So, your struggle with this is certainly normal.
When it comes to how you might be able to better accommodate your boyfriend, and in the process elicit a better response from him than what's been the case so far, expressing understanding, empathy, and commitment are crucial. Letting him know that you're there for him, that you know he must be going through so much, and that you love him (if you're at that point - you can rephrase it to something like, "my feelings for you haven't changed...") despite how what he is suffering from might make him act. Asking him about his anxiety, giving him chances to talk with him about it and how he feels, and learning how you can best support him while he is experiencing anxiety can all be very helpful as well.
Now, that doesn't mean you have to tolerate consistently insulting, degrading, or even abusive behavior on his part. Anxiety or any psychological disorder is never an excuse to abuse or to manipulate anyone else to feel as though they have to live their life in service of or enabling the unhealthy and selfish practices of the abuser/manipulator. If you feel like the relationship puts you in a consistently insulted, accused, blamed, and/or abused position, that's something else, and in such a case a conversation about ending the relationship (especially in the case of abuse) or couple's therapy might be helpful and even necessary in order to preserve your own mental and physical health and wellbeing.
Feel free to reach out if you'd like to chat more!
All the best,
Listener @ShneurZ
