Are exhausting relationships healthy?
My situation is long and complicated. Im 44, single mom to a great and stable 25 year old. Almost 4 years ago I met the best man Ive ever laid eyes on. But sadly his story is complicated. We met shortly after his wife had passed away from breast cancer. She had fought the disease for a few years. But sadly she lost her fight at the young age of 43. I knew her too from my younger years. We managed to catch up via Facebook. Anyways, my boyfriend and I made contact via Facebook. We started out as friends and it developed from there. Hes such a sweet, patient and loving man. Theres a catch, he also has a teenager. Not just any teenager but one that has behavioral and emotional problems. These problems existed long before the mom was diagnosed. Hes not a bad kid, but the death of his mom only exasperated his problems. Hes lazy, lies constantly, doesnt take responsibility for his actions and has been failing school since the 6th grade. Sadly the school system here doesnt hold kids back either. So he passes regardless of failing classes. I dont quite understand that part. His dad is way too patient with him. Me not so much. While I know he has suffered a great loss, I still believe he needs structure and discipline. I lose my patience with him constantly when I see hes lying to his dad. And I always feel like the jerk after. I love my boyfriend, but Im tired and exhausted from this relationship. Oh and we live together. Help.
@Genyliz73
I believe your partner is more soft on his child, because he wants to take all the pain away. If he makes his kid accountable, he might be scared of hurting him, or even losing him.
Grief , lost... can break someone mentally. Your husband might be lost and scared.
You are right though. Boundaries, discipline, is very healthy if well done. Specially for a kid in this situation. Can give them a direction to where to go.
My advice is maybe find some sort of therapist? One for the kid, and another one for your partner.
Children should always come first, even before relationships.
When it comes to you: I do understand your frustration. hard situation you're in. My advice is if you're really feeling drained, ask for some time appart. Even if is just you getting a new place? or maybe some nights sleeping on a hotel or something. So you can recharge your energy, get some time for you. Because seems that your mental state is being affected aswell.
I hope the situation gets better.
You seem a very supportive and understanding person. Your partner and his child sure are lucky to have you.