Avoidant Personality Disorder and Highly Sensitive Person
Hi,
I hope everyone is doing okay. One of the challenges I face in life is being a socially anxious person and highly sensitive. I get overwhelmed by socializing with others ( a facet of introversion but not quiet like it). I can socialize don't get me wrong but I am sensitive to what others say or do and their tone. I am also very anxious around others. I feel like I am lower in status to others due to my cultural traits, hobbies and appearance ( attractive). I am an American with a foreign background and partly grew up abroad and find it hard to intergrate with other Americans no matter what state I go to because I am more sensitive than the average American. I want to learn how to overcome being anxious about hobbies I like that most Americans don't enjoy such as reading, writing, running and working out. I like TV shows that most Americans think are stupid especially fantasy tv shows and british shows.My music taste isn't like most Americans who tell me I listen to listen to stupid music. I am not a big fan of eating junk food every day but Americans love to do that.
How can I cross the cultural barrier despite being America and having no accent but partly grew abroad? I don't eat burgers everyday like Americans or drink huge soda cans or drinks and I am not super conservative and think women should dress how they want. Also, I am into fitness but Americans treat fitness like its supposed to be hard core or its not fitness like power lifting and going to a loud gym. Any suggestions would be welcome!
@norahdavex
Hi There,
I hope this will be somewhat helpful. I have often found myself in a similar position. I am born and raised in America with an immigrant mother and a first gen father. I grew up speaking a different language at home, had different interests and passions, and had a very different persepective on healthy and family. I think you nailed it that it can be hard to fit it anywhere actually. Hard to fit in in America and hard to fit in when you are in your homecountry. No matter what always an outlier who has interests and experiences that don't align with others. I spent a lot of my teenage years spending time alone or remaining fairly quiet even when I was among friends. I don't know how old you are and I hope I'm not assuming when I say the feelings you describe ring true to my teenage years. I think a few things are important.
1) It is ok not to fit it. I KNOW this is easier said than done. It is very hard not to be true to yourself and your experiences and interests. It is obviously ok to say you enjoy something you don't love love or to try out new things and it is also ok to find either you like them or that your initial instincs were correct and you do not like them.
2) The younger we are the more limited our spheres tend to be. I went to small schools and it wasn't until I went to college and started to join groups where folks already had similar interests to me that I found "my people". I often found that my people were international students because I felt seen for the first time in some of my approaches and attitudes. I recognize this means we might have to ask ourselves to be patient. I promise it will pay off.
3) Making mistakes, being different are OK. Find people who will love and support your interests even if you don't share them. My best friend loves anime and I don't and I still get excited and want her to share her interests and favorite things with me and even if it isn't my favorite I want to learn about it because I love her. She does the same for me with my sometimes unpopular interests (old hollywood, or running, or tranditional middle eastern folk music lol). It is ok and wonderful even to educate your friends on your interests so they can understand and join in and to learn from your friends so that you can understand and join in :)
4) If you still prefer to be quiet for the time being this is ok too! You are allowed to socialize however it makes you happy and fullfilled and feeling safe.
5) Chosing to push myself into joining and participating in theatre and choir really intensively through middle and high school really helped me with some of my struggles in presenting myself.
I hope any of this is helpful. Please feel free to respond or not. Ask more questions or clarification. Orrr let me know if I got it all wrong and you were looking for something else. You are wonderful and your unique mix of interests and hobbies and knowledge and experiences and expertise are worth it. Hold on to them as long as they make you happy and fullfilled <3 Let go of them when they no longer serve this purpose.