Being used or being supportive
Hi I'll try explain this the best way i can. So me and my finacee work in the same area but do not live together (both living at home till we can save for a mortgage) we don't always work the same times i do shift work she does 9-5 anytime we work the same or even similar shifts(which would be 3 or 4 times a week) i Will give her a ride to work but and the other 1 or 2 days she'll make her own way usually by her dad giving her a ride to the luas (metro in other counties) and she makes her way from there and that's always been fine until a few weeks ago, Now her dad no longer gives her a ride due to not having money to pay for insurance for the car, now there are other ways for her to get to work, bus but she claims on mornings she needs to start at 7:30 or 8 the public transport won't get her there on time because it doesn't start early enough so she's stuck getting a taxi which can cost 20€. So last week She seemed to keep dropping loads of hints about not being about to get to work so i offered to bring her on my days off then she said she wasn't trying to hint and me bringing her and yesterday( Sunday) the same thing happened but this time i didn't offer if she came out and just asked i would of said yes but i didn't like her hinting at it she chaims she's not hinting at it but that's how it seems to me. so i don't know if I'm right to feel this way or because she's my finacee i should always be supportive of her and going out of my way to help her.
Thanks and sorry for the long post
@Liam18MG
Hi I'll try explain this the best way i can. So me and my finacee work in the same area but do not live together (both living at home till we can save for a mortgage) we don't always work the same times i do shift work she does 9-5 anytime we work the same or even similar shifts(which would be 3 or 4 times a week) i Will give her a ride to work but and the other 1 or 2 days she'll make her own way usually by her dad giving her a ride to the luas (metro in other counties) and she makes her way from there and that's always been fine until a few weeks ago, Now her dad no longer gives her a ride due to not having money to pay for insurance for the car, now there are other ways for her to get to work, bus but she claims on mornings she needs to start at 7:30 or 8 the public transport won't get her there on time (this is an easy fact to verify. Look for the relevant bus time table and see if it's true) because it doesn't start early enough so she's stuck getting a taxi which can cost 20€ (20€ twice a week, would that add up to enough for her to pay his insurance? Just a thought). So last week She seemed to keep dropping loads of hints about not being about to get to work so i offered to bring her on my days off (sometimes we just vent about issues and problems not really seeking solutions. If you provided a solution, that's great but not all rants are hints for help) then she said she wasn't trying to hint and me bringing her and yesterday( Sunday) the same thing happened but this time i didn't offer if she came out and just asked i would of said yes but i didn't like her hinting at it she chaims she's not hinting at it but that's how it seems to me. so i don't know if I'm right to feel this way or because she's my finacee i should always be supportive of her and going out of my way to help her. (Verify facts about the bus timings, perhaps she can explain this to her boss and they can let her come in a little bit later. That could solve all the issues. Otherwise, you're right to want to be asked properly if she wants your help. That being said, you've been really sweet by stepping up to solve her issues even without being asked! It's upto you how you like to do relationships but there's no rules about such things, just depends on the people.)
Thanks and sorry for the long post
@0m
Hi thanks for the reply. I've checked the timetable and the one bus that would get her there is very unreliable i think it's once every hour. She has given her dad money in the post to help out with different things but it doesn't always go were she thinks it will be so that's kind of another issue. And i do understand venting happens but when I'm sitting with her listening to her vent for a half hour about it and then adds in "why do i always help who ever i can but when i need help no one is there to help me" it feels like more then venting, i understand that's still all it could be, but i feel like I'm being mean not helping
@Liam18MG
Hi thanks for the reply. I've checked the timetable and the one bus that would get her there is very unreliable i think it's once every hour. (In this case certainly she can talk to her boss and claim exception in her timings based upon the bus) She has given her dad money in the post to help out with different things but it doesn't always go were she thinks it will be (She can directly pay the insurance instead of giving him the money if that solves the problem) so that's kind of another issue. And i do understand venting happens but when I'm sitting with her listening to her vent for a half hour about it and then adds in "why do i always help who ever i can but when i need help no one is there to help me" it feels like more then venting, i understand that's still all it could be, but i feel like I'm being mean not helping (smiles, maybe that nature and behaviour of yours is exactly what makes her come to you when she feels like nobody else understands or wants to help her! A lot of people are able to ignore vents when it is inconvenient to help but you aren't able to ignore her problems so you step forward to help. To make it better for you, maybe the next time she vents you can listen and ask - "Do you need my help?" Let her answer and ask for what she needs. Then there is no misunderstanding or ambiguity.)
@Liam18MG
Hi thanks for the reply. I've checked the timetable and the one bus that would get her there is very unreliable i think it's once every hour. (In this case certainly she can talk to her boss and claim exception in her timings based upon the bus) She has given her dad money in the post to help out with different things but it doesn't always go were she thinks it will be (She can directly pay the insurance instead of giving him the money if that solves the problem) so that's kind of another issue. And i do understand venting happens but when I'm sitting with her listening to her vent for a half hour about it and then adds in "why do i always help who ever i can but when i need help no one is there to help me" it feels like more then venting, i understand that's still all it could be, but i feel like I'm being mean not helping (smiles, maybe that nature and behaviour of yours is exactly what makes her come to you when she feels like nobody else understands or wants to help her! A lot of people are able to ignore vents when it is inconvenient to help but you aren't able to ignore her problems so you step forward to help. To make it better for you, maybe the next time she vents you can listen and ask - "Do you need my help?" Let her answer and ask for what she needs. Then there is no misunderstanding or ambiguity.)
@0m
Thank you I'll try that next time
