Broke up with my gf. Now I feel empty.

So some context...

My girlfriend and I had been going strong for 3 years. We were each other's everything - support, loyalty, lovers. She had always wanted more but would not say directly - she knew I would say no. Why? Because our backgrounds were too different. I didn't want to pretend that there wouldn't be compromise. And initially I didn't want us to progress because of that.

But compromise she did. And progress we did. All very naturally, before I even knew it, I saw her as my soulmate and she in return saw the same. Yet I never budged on commitment - I said it was gonna only end up hurting us if we went that route. She always kept hinting but then always conceded.

Fast forward to a month and a half ago. We were at our best. But she was hinting more and more she wanted me to meet her parents, marriage, kids etc without really directly asking me. So I kept pushing back, without really giving it a second thought.

Then, after a particularly tough conversation, she asked if I was satisfied with her. If she made me happy. And if we should open our relationship. I said yes. As I thought that's what she wanted and was asking for.

Turns out it wasnt - at least not according to her. She wanted me to say no but me saying yes proved to her I was never gonna commit to her.

Anyway we go open, and that was the beginning of the end. Lots of fights, pseudo breakups, stress etc. Then she tells me last week she slept with another guy. This destroyed me. As even though we were open I never expected her to actually go through with it - I know I didn't want to as I only wanted her. But that was my first mistake, of many - my naivety at the situation. As well as my inability to express my real feelings to her.

Following from that, I cut her deep - said mean things, blocked her...the lot. We met to make a decision about us - which is where I said I could not see her the same way anymore and we needed to break up. She refused multiple times. But I pushed her away.

The same day, I decide to ask my mum whether our backgrounds would have been an issue.

She said no.

I reached out to her straight away and told her this. She said she was devastated and needed space.

Now, three days in, we hardly chat when we used to chat every day. She is seeing other guys. So I'm struggling to accept what I did to her and how I'm able to move on with this guilt.

Yet, oddly, she says she still loves me and wants to be with me eventually...she just needs space to clear her head and become a better person so that if we get together this never happens again. For my part I said I will be open about my feelings and she would need to be as well.

I desperately wish I could've told her how much she meant. And that I was willing to work with her to secure our future. But I know, too little too late. I've given her the option, but she no longer seems to want it - not now anyway.

I'm worried I've damaged her too much to ever want me back. And now I'm struggling to come to terms with what I've done.

How do I handle this? I know reaching out to her when she wants space isn't a good idea. So I've tried not to, I did reach out to her yesterday night and tbh it seems like she's okay - her grief started earlier than mine...but mine seems like it's only just begun. I've only just realised my mistake and what I've lost. She's very clear she sees me as the only guy she wants long term. But now that she's started exploring herself, she wants that to continue.

So do I wait? How long? I need to move on eventually as this limbo state is really messing me up. I'm a guy that needs to completely cut people out or keep them completely in. But in this situation, she is taking a break with the intent to come back - but what if she doesn't? I would be crushed after having hope. At the same time shutting the door now will crush her too.

I'm a mess and need advice.