Buildup

Never thought I'd be someone posting in a relationship thread.

I guess I used to think it was ridiculous. But really I just felt that for myself, because I felt the idea of love and intimacy was off limits for me. I felt and still feel that I'm not meant to be here.

Now I'm up past my bedtime losing sleep because to the date I have to confront my reality is really close. I don't want to be negative and assume but I don't want to be deluded and self centered.

I'm probably hoping for some comfort and answers, but just writing into the void helps too. Well to some extent.

I really miss that person. Hearing their name again still really makes me feel something.

I regret what I've done, hurting them. Abandoning them, putting them down, not supporting them, accusing them. Never listening, never compromising...

I guess when the soon to be time approaches I can just come clean and let go. I don't want to make them stay with me if I know that they're meant for greater things, better people.

I guess sometimes even if you love someone and they have you, you might still never have them. And you'll just love them from far away.

It's weird how little there is from the abusive people of the relationships.

Hard knowing what the right thing to do is.

I guess it's worth trying to say that if anyone has anything to share I would appreciate it greatly. I no longer have friends to talk to as well.

Hope everyone has a good night