Can I redeem myself from messing up relationship ?
Used Onlyfans while in relationship and it was the worst decision of my life. My girlfriend found out and broke up for a bit. I tried everything to prove to her I regretted my decision. Blocked every girl I wasn’t related to on social media. Things were great for a couple months. I never had any intention of doing any wrong let her look through my phone everyday to prove it. I know I fucked up really bad and am trying to be better and doing anything she wants to prove it. Found out she had been messaging her ex (not exactly sure how long but I had suspicions early on before I messed up). She had him blocked on social media for over a year since we started dating (apparently even. Though I had suspicions from beginning). Am I wrong for being mad? I know I deserve it but am I beyond redemption?
@toughPlane5241
To answer your question - No. You do not deserve it. Two wrongs don't make a right. Every mistake, whether on your part or hers, can't cancel out the previous mistake, rather they make the trust weaker and weaker in the relationship. She chose to forgive you and help the relationship move past that point - it does not give her a "get out of jail free" card to betray your trust in the process.
You already understand and acknowledge that you crossed a line and seem to be doing everything possible to rebuild trust, so this aspect of your situation is already being dealt with.
How did you find out about her messaging her ex? Is she messaging him for support as a friend or do you have reason to think it's something else? Is this a boundary you have both already discussed and agreed or is it in the gray zone where she might think it's okay to be messaging him?