Codependency or Low Self-Esteem?
Hello, friends. I've been here before... I find myself in the same emotional go-round. I'm in the process of what I suspect is a break up. At the least, it's a break down in my 2+ year committed relationship. I see the writing on the wall and I know that I'm not being treated the way that I'd like to be treated by my beloved. Intuitively, I know that it's time to call it quits and I feel that this is what he would like to do, as well, but something stops me from ending it or being okay with him ending it. I'm sure that it's fear - fear of change, fear of being alone, fear of never finding someone, and so on.
Has anyone out there identified successful coping mechanisms that don't include wallowing in bed?
Long story short, we're at an impasse, which is happening more and more frequently these days. I feel as if he is overly critical of me and, to an extent, punishes me for any and all less-than-perfect days/moods/behaviors by withholding communication (my life's blood). Tiffs that would normally not send a relationship into full crisis mode lead to his withdrawal and behavior that indicates that he's indifferent or simply doesn't give a hoot. He doesn't reach out, he doesn't send any smoke signals. He just withdraws. Frankly, I've grown wearing of feeling this way and I think it's time to step away with some dignity remaining.
Just need to figure out how to do that while still navigating life. I suspect I have a touch of unrelated depression.
A lot of times codependency and low-self esteem go hand in hand, although they're not always mutually inclusive.
I haven't really been in any relationships, but I struggle with similar issues. Fear of change, being alone, never finding anyone.
A piece of advice I've found to very helpful was to find hobbies that don't involve other people and can be enjoyed alone. I really enjoy reading for one, and I don't feel too self-conscious being seen reading alone. (Unlike some other activities.)
The thought behind this is that once you're at least comfortable being alone, you'll start being able to recognize who makes time more enjoyable, or just drains it.
You're welcome to try it if you're interested. Best of luck to you, I hope everything works out.