Confused
This is something I've wrestled with for a long time. Over the last few years or so my spouse has blurted out inappropriate things in front of our daughter in law at the most unusual moments. I never see it coming and when he says these things it kind of paralyzes me in the moment. I have responded with " stop -that's inappropriate". He pretends like he's making a joke but no one's laughing. When I address his comments he then turns the comment onto me to try to shut me up I assume. I'm afraid he's alienating her and we don't see her and our son very much but I don't blame them when he's so unpredictable. I'm not sure if he is intimidated by her because she's educated, intelligent and mature . It's weird to me and I really am super embarrassed by his inappropriate behavior. I've discussed with him how I feel about those behaviors in the past but then boom he does it again out of the blue. I don't attack him when I address this but I try to use the I was embarrassed please try not to say ........... no one's laughing approach. He gets upset when I point out his bad behavior/ comments.
I don't know what to do and I feel resentment towards him. I have apologized to daughter in law for his behavior.
Any thoughts?
ABB
hello! this sounds like a tough situation🙁 im sorry you are having to go through that! have you tried talking to your daughter in law about it? it could be a good idea to maybe talk to her because it seems like he isn’t listening!☺️
I did reach out to the daughter in law but a crisis hit the same day and they are having relationship issues, serious ones I was unaware of. Shes been decieving my son. So that's first right now. I will address it later after this crisis is past.
Thank you for responding it means alot to me. It's why I love 7 cups everyone is so kind .
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92I can see why you would resent this type of behavior and why you would apologize to your daughter in law. I have two adult children and relish the time with them. I would not want either of them to feel alienated when they visit. I had a friend who exhibited similar behavior - usually to try and get attention and prove himself in a social setting. In my case, he was trying to fit in more than anything else. Perhaps this is the case with your husband? or not. Perhaps he is intimidated? Regardless, this can be very embarrassing and upsetting especially if it feels disrespectful and/or no one is laughing. Do you have others (your son and daughter-in-law?) that could support you in finding a solution here that will last beyond the next visit? What do you feel could be other options to consider here? To what extent have you fully communicated these concerns to your spouse? I am sorry you are in this situation and feel for you. I also applaud your bravery in posting here and know this courage will serve you well in finding an appropriate solution. May these kids visit often! I’m sending you much love and best wishes. :)
Thx so much for your encouraging words. I have communicated with my spouse about his behavior in the past , he's done this before. I will discuss this with him the very next time he does it. I'm calling him out on it immediately rather than wait. I think my response " your making everyone here uncomfortable please stop" might work. I need to do it in front of the daughter in law so he sees the impact of his words on her.
I appreciate your response , thx again.
ABB 💜