DATING
My boyfriend and I met through a mutual friend at a party this friend and I hosted. Long story short, he asked me to be his girlfriend a month after meeting. It’s important to know that he had just gotten out of a four year relationship 6 months prior to us meeting. I knew he wouldn’t be ready for anything serious, and I was okay with that because I also have some of my own trauma and healing to do that prevents me from wanting a serious relationship as well.
Now we’ve been dating over 4 months now and I realize how much I like him. Im not in love with him but I have deeper feelings for him than I do just a normal friend.
we recently talked about if we were happy where we were and what we wanted. I told him I was happy with what we have and I want to naturally let our relationship just fall into place and do it’s thing. He said he was happy too, but wasn’t sure if he was capable of moving forward or loving me the way I deserve to be loved. I told him that I wasn’t ready to be serious and I wasn’t in love with him right now and didn’t require him to be ready either.
He said that we can’t just stay in this place forever and that it would be easier to break up now rather than later when it will hurt more. I told him that I want to be happy now while we can rather than think about what might happen in the future.
it basically boiled down to me telling him that I enjoy what we have, he makes me happy, and I want to stay where we are and take it day by day without rushing it. I asked if he would like to do the same thing and he just looked at me and said he didn’t know. I asked if he needed space and he said he thinks it would be best.
we currently haven’t talked in 2 days and I truly miss him, but it’s been good to think about myself and what I want.
there are things I want to change but overall I don’t want to break up. I have never been capable of caring for anyone like I care about him and I don’t want to lose him.
what do I do?
I'm in a somewhat similar situation... been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months. It's been going really well. But we both had difficult past relationships. It's been about 3 years for both of us since our respective breakups, but he did tell me early on in the relationship that he's not sure if he can ever love again. At the time... I wasn't sure either but now... I think I could love him. But... I still don't know if he could love me so I'm very hesitant to let myself fall in love with him for good.
I know this can't continue forever and that I can't hold myself back forever. And as much as it would suck to break up now, it would suck a lot worse later. So... I kinda get your boyfriend's perspective.
But it's just a difficult situation. I really don't know what the best thing to do is in either of our situations. But I feel your pain.
@thatgurl211
It sounds like he's at the point he's thinking of what next - he said it's not possible (for him) to stay in this phase forever. Of course, you assured him you are happy to remain patient and not serious but he has still asked for space. The space could be a good thing if he's missing you too and thinking about what needs to be done next. It is usually not a good idea to disturb that phase of reflection.
In the meantime, while you allow him the time/space, it's great that you're focused on yourself. Working towards being the best version of yourself possible.
I hope it all works out for the best!
@thatgurl211 Thanks for this post
