Dear you, the one who ruined me

I used to write to you all the time, I told you what was in my head, I told you how you were destroying me. You loved to watch me struggle. When I left you I only thought it was going to get easier, but its not. Its been five years and I still stare at the spots on my arm you used to squeeze so tight Id stop talking to your friends, I used to think you were just keeping me in line now I realize that you were just scared they would see who you really are.

I will never be the warm hearted girl I used to be, you convinced Im not good enough to deserve love and I still believe it, I still believe no one will ever love me.

You ruined me, you took a nice girl and made her cold. You covered my body and mind in scars that will never fade. Now I expect punishments from people when theyre mad at me, I expect to be beaten or worse if Im not perfect and these thoughts have ruined every relationship since you.

I still flinch when people move, I am scared that everyone is going to be like you and that I am as unloveable as you told me I am, Im scared that you were right and I just cause more problems than I worth to anyone. Im scared no one will love me because you told me you were the only one in the world that could love someone as messed up as I am.

I dont even want to try with anyone else, because you took everything from me. You took my world and turned it all a nasty shade of black, you made me bitter you made me hate myself, but youre still right.

From the girl you ruined and left.