Difficult Situation
Last week I went through my boyfriends phone and found a conversation with a friend of his from high school. To me their conversation was not only inappropriate it was cheating. When I confronted him he basically said it meant nothing it was only words to him. He did apologize and we talked some about it, he promised he was going to spend the rest of his life proving to me that he loves me and only me. Yesterday his phone kept going off and when I asked him what was going on he said something about the woman he went to school with. I said ohh, your still talking to her. He said yea but not like that anymore. I promise. Im not ok with him having any contact with her. I dont know how to talk to him about it now.
@secretPark1129 going through someone's phone is called violation of privacy, it is not only unethical but punishable by law in some country. If i were your boyfriend I would leave you for going through my phone without permission. In my eyes he's better off with his old highschool girlfriend. Sorry, but we cannot all agree with you. I am sorry for your situation and what you are going through.
@secretPark1129
I think it may be more a matter of clear boundaries. Cheating is any emotional or sexual relationship outside a committed relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of people convince themselves that unless there is physical sex involved, it's not cheating. It is this murky boundary that needs to be clearly defined.
Good part is, he expressed that he loves you and wishes to spend the rest of his life proving it to you. Obviously your man doesn't have an idea of what that entails so maybe it's time for you to explain exactly how he can prove it to you. Please do not be afraid to express disappointment or hurt when his actions hurt you! Let him know what is appreciated, what is painful, what is good and what hurts. It will help you both to tune your relationship to one where you can both be comfortable and feel safe.
Once trust is broken it can take a long time and effort to rebuild and that's the unpleasant place he finds himself at the moment. How he deals with his friend is his problem as long as he doesn't hurt you in the process. If ignoring her multiple calls is his way of distancing himself, that's fine. If talking to her "not that way" is his way, maybe that's not fine with you and you can say so.
Hope it helps you approach the matter with him and solve the situation :)
@0m
Thank you. This really does help.
If he promised he wouldn't talk to her anymore then I'd take him at hsi word *unless* you have some reason not to. Her contacting him could still be sketchy or SHE didn't get the message about boundaries.
Definititely frustrating, though.Sorry you're going through that.