Drinking and behaviour when drunk
Me and my fiance have been together for almost 3 years and we are due to get married in November this year.
When he drinks outside of the home such as with friends or in a bar he does not know when to stop and then forgets what he has done, said or does.
For example this Saturday just gone he went out in afternoon and we had plans for going out to dinner later that night approx 8 hours later. Approx 30 mins before he was due home I had messages and calls with him changing his mind, telling me he is not coming home, he will be home in half an hour or saying he will be home after another drink.
In the end he came home and we had a really big argument about him moving the goalposts and letting me down on the plans we had made. This typically happens and he was so hungover we also had to cancel our Sunday plans.
I am really annoyed about having the same argument every so often and he feels guilty, I feel guilty and then it happens again and nothing changes.
Any fresh ideas on how I can navigate this?
Thank you Abbie
oh this is so hard. does he usually argue that he can “do what he wants” or does he argue because he wanted to drink? im wondering what he says during those arguments. do you know his friends too? have you ever brought up the idea of him seeking help for his drinking because it really does sound like an issue. im so sorry you’re going through this. how are YOU feeling ?
Hi there!!
Thank you for responding. I feel confused and a little alone, because we have had conversations about these issues and it re occurs every few months.
He has friends who unfortunately also don't know when to stop when they have had enough and then he is so disorientated he doesn't know what he is saying, so I get annoyed and get cross as he promised he would not do this anymore, we argue, he swears at me, calls me names and then I get more annoyed.
His mother died from being an alcoholic so I am worried about his drinking but he binge drinks so more from health point of view than anything else. Today and yesterday he is moping hardly speaks to me says he feels guilty, which makes me feel bad for saying something in the first place. Part of me just wants to be out of his way everytime guys night or afternoon comes around.
Best wishes x
well you shouldn’t feel guilty firstly! it’s definitely hard to see someone you love on a destructive path. i will say though, while having an addiction isn’t a genetic trait- having an addictive personality, is. with that being said, maybe he is more prone to picking up addictions because of his environment/traumas with his mother (assuming he didn’t handle her death well.) You should stay strong in knowing that you’re trying to help. The name calling and yelling though is definitely a lot to emotionally handle. I hope you’re emotionally handling that in a healthy manner. Right now while he’s feeling guilty and came to his senses, maybe you should talk to him about your genuine concerns for his health. Maybe he needs a push to find some help? Or if he isn’t ready for professional help, maybe you guys can work on a system to hold him accountable. Drinking with the friends is a normal social thing to do, but maybe work on him limiting his drinks or keeping note of how many he has and aim for less each time. Maybe set a curfew and be his DD. I don’t know him personally but I really hope he’s willing to work with you because you just sound like you care. However, I will say. You come first. Your health and well-being so don’t beat yourself up over him feeling guilty. And he should understand that you guys are a team and need to work together!
Thank you ever so much 💓💓
I will put some of these tips to good use. X
