Emotions overwhelm me

every little thing overwhelms me…

I am on the spectrum, I have autism. And with that it makes it very difficult to understand my partner of 3 years.

I have trouble noticing when he is upset about something, and sometimes I make his bad mood worse. Or even in some cases I say things that make him angry or upset without thinking about it first

my boyfriend always tells me that he wouldnt treat me any differently whether I was on the spectrum or not and that he will treat me the same as if I wasn’t

almost so that we’re equal in an argument and that neither of us can be excused because of a disorder. it helps me feel less out of place.

but yet consistently when he gets upset it feels like my world is falling apart. When he’s in a bad mood he chooses not to spend time with me because that’s the best is that having somebody around you with negative energy isn’t good

taking the space he needs so that when he comes back he’ll feel better

when he gets upset he becomes distant and with my disorder I noticed that it was really hard for me to understand that people need space when they’re in a tough moment with their emotions.

and when he leaves me to be my brain runs wild like a chicken without a head. Thinking about whether I made him so upset that he won’t like me anymore. Thinking he’s going to leave me because of the stupid little things I say by accident

I did therapy for a year and a half and when I stopped because I thought that I was able to tackle my emotions and it started to go downhill.

Even when he was upset for things that I didn’t even do I started to feel like it was my responsibility to make it my fault. To feel sorry and almost feel as if I could have done something different to make him not upset. When it wasn’t even my fault…

I want to know if you feel like you’re in that boat too. Feeling like you get overwhelmed by your partner being upset and constantly blame it on yourself. Because I’m there too, to this day.