Feeling Trapped -

Hi there everybody. I’m having a hard time with my current relationship. My bf is 36 and I’m 28. We’ve been together for about a year and a half and we live together. My bf has had an ongoing issue with hard drugs (heroin and meth) for the last 7 years since he broke his back. I don’t do any hard drugs but have tried to be supportive throughout his recovery. He’s a wonderful bf to me when he’s sober,(very kind and giving man) but when he’s using he gets emotionally abusive towards me. I’ve tried to be understanding because the “real” him isn’t mean to me or abusive when he’s sober. But he keeps relapsing and then getting clean over and over again. Which is wonderful that he’s not giving up but I have to deal with his shitty behavior towards me when he relapses. He always says that he will make it up to me and that it’s the very end of him using drugs and to just be patient a little longer but my patience has run out. I still love him but I’m no longer in love with him and I’m not attracted to him anymore. I’m scared of him. He struggles with depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicidal ideation. I also struggle with these as well. But he gets straight up psycho and schizophrenic on these drugs. We briefly broke up the other day because of another one of his delusions ( thinking I was trying to get him arrested and seek revenge on him? Which is furthest from the truth. His usual delusion is that he believes I’m cheating on him. Which I’ve been 100% loyal). He tried to kill himself twice that day by ODing. When I took him back purely cause I was terrified of him dying, he said i should take it as a compliment that he would kill himself over not being with me.. now I’m terrified to end the relationship since he will try and commit suicide. What the hell am I supposed to do? I love him and I want what’s best for him but I don’t want to be together anymore.. I’m miserable and feel trapped

Hes also so irresponsible with money and has blown through his own money and my money buying drugs and gambling. We’ve been on the brink of getting evicted for months and I’m pretty positive we are getting evicted this month because of his spending habits. I can’t trust him with money at this point.