Feeling heartbroken and don't know what to do
My long distance boyfriend and I had our 1 year anniversary on December 20th. Six days later, he decided he wanted to break up with me because, "I can't talk to you the way I used to. I'd rather be your friend but not your boyfriend".
The conversation we were having right before it happened was about issues in the relationship. I was trying to solve them with him, but (like always) he ignores what I'm saying or changes the subject. I remember feeling so frustrated because he always says communication is key in a relationship, but won't communicate with me. Then out of nowhere, he says he wants to break up. I was shocked. Somehow I convinced him to let us have a "break" instead, but I have no idea how long it will last. Each day not talking to him feels like torture to me, because we used to talk every single day. I've lost my appetite now only eating once a day, and I feel this constant physical pain in my heart.
The man who once told me he'd never break up with me, and to not even think of it, did. He's the same one that said we are soulmates. The one that promised never to break my heart. The one that said he wanted me to be his wife someday. The one who said he'd stay with me forever. I could go on and on, but, I guess they were all lies. That is what hurts the most.
Sorry if this was too long
@MaroonCarnation
I'm sorry you're going through this. All you probably want to know is what in the world is going on inside his head. Let yourself wonder and be sad when you need too but take more time getting to know and becoming yourself again. After all that's who your boyfriend fell for.
This could help you 2 find each other again but in the very least you won't feel so lost. Good luck
@tophat22
Thank you so much for the advice 💕 i really appreciate it. Before loving him I must find and love myself first.
It's weird to think I'm not the only one going through a breakup or losing someone when you can feel so alone and in such pain. It was December 4th of 2019 when after 5 mounths my girlfriend dicided to leave me. I know 5 mounths may sound like it didn't mean much but as for me it was probably the longest relationship ever with alot of first. My girlfriend at the time used to say the same thing about comunication, saying it was important and that it was key to fixing our issues. We used to talk things out but she always bottled up how she felt and kept secrets until we'd get in a fight. When we ere together we were happy but then I got scared and felt pressure from eveyone thinking that there was something I needed to prove to myself that sex would fix. A relationship of 5 mounths and I let fear ruin me, but I'd tried to fix it and rarely did she talk about how she felt and what it was doing to her. Sooner or later she started acting diffrently and I knew something was up. When we finally spook about it she wanted to break up and I kept telling her I'd fix what I did and stop and I had convinced her to give me another shot. I knew that what I did wasn't right and that I shouldn't have done it so when I got my second chance I went straight into trying to fix it and understand why I did it. That second chance only lasted a day and then she brokeup with me. I ruined the best relationship I ever had all because I was scared and I was so afriad of losing her I thought that if I did something big and passionate I'd make things truely offical and like she wouldn't leave. I regret all of what I did then and now I regret it all so much more because I knew if i just knew how to fix it and stopped I could still be with her and last time I spoke to her was a few days ago and she said the same. I could've been happy with her now make it 6 mounths spend christmas with her go out with her family again and watch movies together but I lost it all because I was afraid of losing her so much I acted out. She now has a new boyfriends and seems happy and all has basically gone well for her but for me I still love these girl and regret everything I did and wish I could fix it and just have her back. She ment alot to me and now I feel like I have nothing. I feel like I'm always in pain and alone no matter how many people I'm around I always feel alone and deeply sad. If I stopped acting out I would still be with her and be dating happily and she agrees with that. She says she lost feelings for me because of that but I really hope it's just that she can't really believe if I'd fix it so that when I do she starts getting feelings for me again and comes back to me and start another relationship together. It's been almost a mounth since it happend now but I still wish that things would change and that she'd come back or that I'd just wake up and get past it and find something that made me as happy as I was with her.
I did wrong and If you feel like booing me that's completely fine cause I do to I just wish I could've understood how badly it was for the relationship and her back then, I can understand it now after we spoke about it and I've had time to think about it. I hope these makes sences it's hard to be clear when speaking with my mind clutered and foggy.
@Onewish1heart
Breakups are rough, I know, and our mind can either do us harm or good, no in between. But what I'm seeing is you're being so hard on yourself. You tried the best way you knew how, dont forget that. I guess that communication is an issue in a lot of relationships.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel bad. It's okay to have regrets. I know I did. Feel all the emotions you must, but don't let them control you. What helped me is that when I had a negative thought, I immediately shut it down with a positive one. I know your pain, but remember you are stronger than it. It feels so overwhelming, don't think of the "we could've" stuff. It will only hurt you more. Take this time to reflect and realize that you also deserve to be happy.
I am going to be blunt here, but please dont take it the wrong way. Regarding your gf. If she already has a boyfriend so quickly, I'd be suspicious of that. Maybe she started acting differently because of that, and what happened afterwards is of little fault to your own.
I hope this helps, I honestly am not the best at giving advice. Just remember, you deserve happiness