First real breakup

Hi guys,

So, last night I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year. This was my first significant relationship. Things were never perfect. There were red flags and fights. His personality and love language didnt match mine. He was manipulative and controlling...I never thought I would be the girl in a relationship like that, but I was. He was so good at manipulating me and then convincing me he wasnt. But I stayed with him this long because I just couldnt break up with him. I didnt want to hurt him...I didnt want to hurt. Even though I wasnt -in love- with him, I still love him.
He got angry with me yesterday afternoon for no reason, and this set off a slow breakup. I dont even know how. I cant explain it cause I dont know. It wasnt exactly smooth...maybe none ever really is. But it involved anger and begging from him. And a lot of tears from both of us. My eyes hurt. I threw up. It hurts. My mom picked me up from my apartment because I was such a mess.
Ive spent the day with my family. Eyes still burning. Tired. Sick. Hurt. They tell me they never had a good feeling about him anyways...which I could tell. They tell me the usual breakup stuff, like it just takes time. Which I understand.
The hardest part is that he was my best friend. He had so much control over me, that I was with him and talking to him all the time. I miss him. Ive been resisting the urge to text him all day. My phone feels useless. He did text me. Long love texts about how he will do better and will be there when Im ready to talk. He told me he made an appointment with a counselor. Something Ive suggested he did for a year. I replied only to tell him Im proud of him and that this is hard on me and I think talking right now will hurt more than help.
I want to stay strong. I want to stick to my decision to break up. It sucks so bad, but I really think its necessary. Im afraid. I dont want to be weak and go back. I dont know. I know this whole thing is one big jumble of words. Maybe someone will understand, but maybe I really just needed to get it out more than anything. This sucks.