Help - is talking to someone online cheating?
Hi!
I really could do with some advice.
Lets take it from the start...my fiancé and I have been together for 8 years. I love him dearly and throughout our relationship he has supported me, been kind and gentle and is generally a great partner. The other day, he told me that for the past 5-6 years of our relationship he has been talking to a female online. He has said that the extent of their relationship is purely platonic, though they did 'sext' on a few occasions when the first started talking. He tells me he has come to care for her a lot, hence why he is telling me, as he wants to have her in his life (May I remind you, as a friend). He has never met this girl, the girl has no idea what he looks like and he has been anonymous (so there chats have only been textual). Also, according to him their conversations only happen every few months for a few weeks at a time so they haven't been in constant contact.
At the start of our relationship I was not very emotionally available for him, as everything would always be about my problems which meant that he didn't really get a look-in emotionally speaking. This is why he sourced support elsewhere, he says that they have been therapy for one another and would feel cruel to cut her off because she has also come to care for him too (platonically).
I feel hurt and betrayed that he has lied to me for so many years. Should we stay together? What should I do? Any advice would be appreciated!
@HPHL
Given the length of time they have been chatting I can see why this would be very hard to swallow. The fact that, however long ago, they have had some sort of sexual component to it doesn't help.
However I can also see from his persepective how you could gradually drift into this kind of friendship and how he could then see it as an important part of his life.
I think you are going to have to decide how much you trust his judgement with this friendship and part of that will be how open he is willing to be with you about it. In order to discuss that with him you will need to decide how much detail you want to receive about what they are talking about and when.
