Help with voicing concerns >.
Im a 17 year old girl and I'm in my first relationship with a guy. He asked me out back in August 2016 and I was really insecure about the whole relationship and ended up literally running away from him when I saw him coincidentally in a public place. We then decided that we should break up, hoping that it would make it easier the transition to me being in a relationship and actually being able to understand that someone likes me romantically. We continued talking during those month and then on Halloween we decided to hang out together. He ended up standing me up and I told him that we should just stay friends since this relationship thing doesnt seem to be working out for us. He agreed and we ended up not talking for a month after that.
(Just a little side note: During the short time that we dated, we never went on a date or even saw each other IRL. I texted him but he ended up rarely responding to any of my texts literally the next day after we started dating. It made me really insecure about how he actually felt about me and that I was doing something wrong. I never discussed this insecurity I had with him. I didn't actually discuss any of those worries or any personal feelings with him. I just didn't know how and I was scared that if I started talking about serious stuff that soon into a relationship it would scare him off.)
So its around the end of December 2016 and he starts texting me again. This time he started initiating the conversations and wasn't ignoring my texts at all. A couple days after that he ended up asking me out again. We talked about the previous time we were in a relationship and he said that he ended up acting the way he did because he felt as though he wasnt good enough for me. I told him that I would think about getting back into a relationship with him and after I thought about it for a couple days I told him yes.
It started off really good. We texted all the time and we both initiated a conversation about the same number of times and it started to actually feel like we were dating. My mother doesn't approve of me dating him again and I think that she is the only family member that knows me and him are dating again. My mom isn't very open to me dating in the first place due to a fear of me getting pregnant like she did when she was a teenager. Because of this I havent felt comfortrable talking to my mother about my relationship at all. My boyfriend has tried to schedule dates with me and ask if he could talk to me on the phone several times but I told him I couldn't each time. I really want to but I just don't feel as though I can do anything that involves my boyfriend because my mother doesn't approve and my dad would freak out and probably have an anxiety attack or somthing over it.
The past couple of days, my boyfriend hasn't texted me as much and we don't hang out around each other in school as often as we do. We basically haven't spoken a whole conversation in a couple days. I've texted him a couple times and he rarely responds. Idk if its because he's busy or if he is feeling insecure again or if i did something wrong. I want to talk to him about it but I really dont know how to initate a converstion like that. I also would like to know how to discuss my relationship with this guy to my parents and make them feel more comfortrable dating.
@ParanoidPickle
Hey ParanoidPickle! You can try talking to him about hobbies that you both like. Ask him how his day is going or tell him how your day is going. You guys could talk about your favorite movies and the parts that your found interesting or maybe didn't find very interesting at all.
Relationship chats with parents can be a scary thing. Whether your are a male or a female, parents want to protect you the best way they can. In my opinion, you can tell them the qualities that you like in the boy at your school. What makes him stand out? What makes him seem like he will take good care of you? If you feel that he will treat you right and respect your boundaries as a female, you can also mention that. Every parent is different, and I don't presume to know how they think or act. But, perphaps they want reassurance from you that you can take care of yourself, you know how to set limits, and if you feel like a situation is getting out of hand, you will tell him so and he will understand the seriousness of it.
I hope I helped a little bit. If not, I'm sure 7 Cups listeners or counselors could help you better formulate talking points so that everyone can work as a team. :) Be Well and Take Care.
@ParanoidPickle
Relationships can be hard for everyone. The couple as well as the parents of a young couple. I am a mother of a young teen. Luky for me so far she and I have a open friendship and she tells me a lot, but that doesn't mean I still don't worry about what a boy may do. I trust her, but not the boys. That being said it isn't always easy for her to talk to me or me to talk to my ex-husband about how she is feeling, or what she is going through. So what I would say is take your time. Say what you can to your folks, try to slowly open up more about how you feel each time you talk to them. As a mother I want to have a good relationship with my daughter, I want her to tell me everything but I also know that sometimes she won't. All I can hope as a mother is that I have done my best with her and she will do what is right. I am not saying that that is tru in your case but it could be. Your folks are going to worry about you.....I'm nearly 40 and I know that my mother still worries about me as well. As for your boyfriend, from my own personal experiance with guys, expressing your feelings or fears isn't going to be easy, but it does need to be done. That being said I still haven't figured out how to do that either. My Ex-husband still walks all over me. I still let him rule my life. All because I didn't stand up in the begining. So take it slow with him., talk to him. There is nothing more important than communication. Trust me. If his feelings are hurt by how you feel then (sad to say) he isn't the right guy for you.
Feel free to message me any time if you want to talk more, but I do hope that this helps even if just a little bit.