How do I get my husband to understand.
When my husband isntdrinking, he is a good man, a good father. But those impromptu night out drinking has caused so much stress in our relationship. He dont realised that he has theissue of keeping track of time. when he said he would behome by certain time but ended upturning up few hrs late. I cannotget him to understand his behavior has caused great stress to me as I get worried a lot what could or might happened speciallyin the middle of the night when he didnt come home as expected. He will missed all my calls, messages. At best, he will answer it and says he will be on his way and few hrs later he wasstill out there.I justcouldnt get him to understand that and we will always end up getting into fights. He will apologise and promise to watch his timeand it just did not happen.
He thinks that Iover reacted whenever he comes back later than expected but he didnt realisethat it was the trust issue that was breached.
This has been going on for the last 5 years. although he has improved on the frequency of going out drinking but the inability to come back home at said time still remains the issue all these years. Which he thinks he has made great improvements despite that.How do I make him see that he is hurting me emotionally.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. It seems like a such a simple solution but unless he's willing to accept he's in the wrong, it's get a little hairy. Have you tried a session with a therapist? Just getting an outter perspective on the situation and him hearing how it affects you and your relationship from the outside could help.
I have tried introducing hypnotherapy to get his drinking problem under control. but he dont see it as a problem and with that mind set the therapist could perform any session unless he wants to do this on his own will.
He cant even bring himself to talk to any of his mate let along a 'stranger'. He did try to take charge of this issue his own way. he bought himself a watch, and set alarm on his phone to remind him to get going. Nothing works.
And now, I refuse to talk or interact with him unless he sees that hehas a drinking condition and seek professional help. Guess what ... he's happy to be left alone! i'mtired, really tired from all these.
Am I overreacting like he said?
You aren't overacting at all . It is very understandable when a wife worries about her husband when he is not back home on time - especially when he has been out drinking. And it is a good sign that he has tried to change by setting alarms. From what you have described above looks like you have had many fights regarding this (please correct me if I am wrong ).
Try this - I'm not sure if this will work. Also please ensure it isbased on your intuition , and your relationship. Again, I cannot guaranty if this will make it better or worse - please use your discretion .
So since u have had so many fights about this , he is probably quite annoyed and won't listen ... . So wait for a while and don't bring it up for sometime. Then try to sit him down and talk to him calmly- try not to let it go into a fight. Don't talk about his drinking- only mention how worried you feel , and how anticipation and uncertainty stresses you out . And don't suggest anything to him- ask him for a solution.....
