How do I stop thinking about a toxic acquaintance I foolishly attached to, who ghosted me. How to stop feeling like shit ?

I got too quickly attached to a guy whom I got to know very recently through a common friend. It was not like he has charming looks or personality. It was just convenient to get attached to him because he lives in the same city I recently relocated to and therefore don't know many other people there rn..

He would come meet me often at the end of work , for a coffee or dinner and initially I found that sweet - that he would drive across town to come see me and spend time with me. He would also get me chocolates or doughnuts or cheesecake every now and then because he knew about my sweet tooth, and I really appreciated that too.

This wasn't a very romantic relationship, it was still feeling quite nice to have someone around - and we even talked it out that neither of us were really open to dating or any serious commitment, even though we enjoyed each other's company. We were meeting up and texing each other regularly.

The more we talked , I found out that we have quite different personalities, beliefs, approaches and attitude towards life which soon lead to conflicts. We fought a lot on text. We'd misunderstand each other a lot.

I have been caring, kind , gentle and polite , whereas he is the very alpha male type, talking with a straight face and neutral tone, very little show of emotion, cracking rude jokes. Gradually with more conflicts, I started feeling distant, like he grew colder, but my expectations were growing from him, I was getting used to having him around, and I felt like I needed my emotions to be acknowledged by him but he would never understand. I kept hoping he would understand.

He'd started acting hot and cold by this point, and eventually he stopped putting in any effort. I was the only one initiating the conversations , calling him, asking about his day or if he is okay. I never at any point got any of this care or concern back.

We had to stop meeting each other altogether owing to covid restrictions in the city which made it impossible for us to travel after work. so it was getting more difficult as we kept misinterpreting each other on texts.

One fine day when I stopped texting him, I realized that he doesn't even care I exist because that's the day we stopped talking. For over two weeks there was no communication from him, ever since I stopped texting him. Zero. Nothing.

I've been feeling like complete shit about it. Like why the fuck do I do this to myself. Why do I have no self respect. I don't understand how to forget him entirely. He has been toxic towards me during various conversations and yet why am I not being able to stop thinking about him.

I don't deserve any of this.