How to deal with partners toxic parents?
I'm struggling in my relationship. I love my partner and we have a son together. Our biggest issue is his mother. She's very narcissistic and controlling. His grandma can be the same way at times. They tend to guilt tripping him to doing things they want him to do.
If he says no they make it seem like he's going against them. His mom wants to calm 24/7. Even this past Valentine's Day while we're were trying to have a romantic evening they kept calling him over and over to just chat. Today his grandmother told me that I should have been to bed ear lit on Valentine's Day because I work. I got upset because what I do in my house is none of their business. I feel they were just upset because he turned his phone off that night to keep them from calling. His mom guilts by saying things like
" you know I have no friends" she's not in a relationship either. On the weekends I'm off so I try to have some time for us because there are two kids in the house and we are busy with them. His mom constantly calls at night on the weekends to stay on FaceTime. She calls at 3 am too because she's up lonely. She told me that it will be just him and her forever. She's very young (42) and tries to act like someone in her twenties. Very manipulative and rude. When the attention isn't on her she gets rude & makes things about her. I don't know what to do. I'm at a point where I don't want to be around her at all or talk to her but I can tell my boyfriend is hurting because of how me and her are. I don't know what to do. But it's very draining having your boyfriends mom narcissistic. In need of advice
@reliableKite4597
Oh dear, that's so much frustration for you to be going through. I think you're right in thinking that something needs to change for the good of everyone.
You didn't mention whether or not your boyfriend has ever taken his mother/grandmother to family counseling. I'm well-aware that family counseling doesn't necessarily resolve major issues to a satisfying resolution, but I still think it's usually worth trying. Boundary-pushing parents can often be "intimidated" in a healthy way by there being a professional in the room that they know can't be manipulated. They are more likely to respect boundaries if those boundaries have been written out in a formal setting and if they've been made to promise a therapist that they won't cross them. A counselor would also be able to give your boyfriend some much-needed support regarding things he can do when his guilt makes him want to cave in to unreasonable demands.
Whatever happens next, I wish you well! Continue to set any boundaries that are necessary for you and your little family 💕
Thank you. They haven’t received any family counseling. I believe the family has tried to get her psychiatric help but she’s the type to believe she doesn’t need help. Thank you for your encouragement ❤️