How to handle a toxic friendship?
I've been friends with this girl for over a year, and although I knew from the beginning that our interests and lifestyles are completely different, I only recently received a wake up call from her, almost quite literally, that made me analyze our friendship and question it.
We are completely different personality-wise and our friendship really only came about because of our shared loneliness at the time, but I have found that I am starting to dislike her more than I used to love her.
She is selfish, clingy, and hot headed. She refuses to take responsibility when she does something wrong, often shifting blame. She feels any percieved slight deeply and holds grudges, but after a small amount of time has passed seems to let it go and act as if no problem existed. She often belittles me and makes me feel useless. These are some of her worse traits off the top of my head that I just seem to notice all the time now.
I loved our friendship because she can be dependable, although even that is constantly changing with her whims now, and has moments where she is thoughtful and sweet.
I do love this girl and I know cutting her out of my life would hurt her deeply, not to mention me returning to the lonely life I had before her, but I hate the person I become around her and I know something needs to change.
I would like to ask if there is a way to slowly acclimate her to our friendship ending or if there is a way to save it?
@ForestNymph13
There is a major difference between being in a friendship, and being in a relationship. Actually several!
In no particular order,
it's unusual to have just one friend. You can have a best friend, but perhaps its time for you to have a bit of a break from this one. That's the good thing about friends, you can have different friends for different activities.
Friendships are more collusive than relationships. It's very important that you can be yurself in both, but when you are being with a friend, you can collude to ignore some of the parts of each other's personality, which you wouldn't tolerate in a partner lol.
You used the word toxic. Friendships should never be abusive, although it can be tricky to seperate yourself from someone who is a bully. Self defence classes can help. Also the question " why are you unhappy at the moment?" can bring friends up short when they are being grumpy and taking it out on you.
It's a minefield, actually!
@ForestNymph13
I am recovering from a very similar problem. It's been 3 days since I've talked to my friend. However, she won't contact me unless I contact her because she "let's people come to her" apparently. That makes me feel like she could care less in reality, even though she was very needy when we were talking.
It's a tough situation and I'm sorry you're going through it. Happy to have a chat if you are feeling lonely. :)