How to step back more and chill
Before I start off, I can say that Im not the average guy. Honestly it kills me inside to be they way I am. I feel like my traits are great with good intentions but its really killing my relationship. Quickly. Ive been married almost five years. Before marriage, I had a carefree, who gives a **** attitude. Because of that, I hurt a lot of relationships and people. Now, I feel like I care entirely too much and it seems like I cant stop or dial it back some. Some would even say its at a controlling level. For example, my wife is great but I dont like her mingling with people who dont exactly measure up with an ideal relationship. I feel like if you dont smoke pot, you shouldnt mingle with who does. If you dont cheat, you shouldnt mingle with who does. I guess Im stuck on the saying birds of a feather, flock together. I dont like her going out with certain people and it seems like all the friends she introduce are pretty crappy. I feel like only perfection registers in my head and I hate it. I trust her but its hard to do that when shes constantly around people and in conversations that arent ideal. I want to learn how to step back and chill. Basically to let her indulge in whatever she feels and have the trust that she will be respectful and keep her self in line.
Hello there. I think a good first step would be an open conversation about it. Tell her how you feel about it and that your priority is not to control her in anyway but to make sure to keep your family safe at all times. In my opinion, protecting what you value the most is very normal and not a bad thing. Also, I think it would be a good idea to ask her why she values these particular relationships. What is it that makes her enjoy to hang around with these people? And then I think the most important thing is that you don't judge her for this. People value friendships for different reasons and a person is never black or white. For example, a person who smokes pot is not only that. Maybe he/she is also a very helpful person or a good listenener or has other characteristics that your wife likes and it just makes her happy to spend time with that friend every now and then. Another way would be to spend some time all together so that you can also get to know the friend a little bit better. Maybe you will see that this person is not so bad after all? Maybe they just did a mistake in the past (we all do, don't we?) but is still a good person after all. But if the friend really did or say something that makes you concerned about the saftey of your family you can tell that to your wife in a detailed manner. For example, you don't only dislike these people because they smoke pot but also because they said/did this or that.
I hope that helps you in anyway. Take care
@generousLand1234 very wise words thank you. I should definitely try group outings. I would often reject these ideas from the way I feel but I should give the benefit of the doubt. This may sound crazy and if it does bare with me but at the point were at, from all the back and forth, when I step back and chill more , if something were to happen that follows my instinct, I feel its going to be harder to deal with than it usually would. I mean depending on how crazy it is, I can forgive but I know my trust will be completely depleted.
@gentleBlueberry4714
good luck Gentleblue, let us know how things are working out-we are here if you need anything.
