Hurt And Really Comfused

So I kinda fell in love with my best friend.. we got together on 2/19/17 we were together for a year almost two.. but after his physical and mental abuse and cheating on both parts he had his new girlfriend break us up on 12/30/18.. it was extremely hard.. I lost my virginity to him and he was my first kiss and I had so many firsts with him and so many memories.. As time passed though I started to become okay.. but this year I switched schools and saw him... we talked and agreed on being friends again.. friends turned into best friends which turned into us missing each other as more.. but he was still with the girl that broke us up.. having him as my best friend again was great.. until we started falling more.. there were times hed kiss me and say hes tempted to leave her for me or hed hold me or Id hold him after a bad day and hed say he misses this.. I wont lie.. Im crazy in love with the kid but hes tearing me apart.. hes so rude and harsh to me and he tries to tell me thats his attitude and I have to deal with it.. he throws my abusive family back in my face.. he makes comments about my weight.. and overall makes me feel like a shitty person.. I finally told him today that the way hes acting is hurting me severely and is causing me to break.. he told me it might be best to take time away from each other.. he said to go without talking till the end of break.. break ends the 5th.. it hurts worse going without him.. idk what to do.. I cant keep dealing with the mental abuse but I dont want to lose my best friend.. any advice?