Husband who uses escorts

Hi there,

I am in a huge pickle.

I’ll give you the back story - so I recently got married at the beginning of the year and a few weeks later his parents decide to separate.

The separation really upset my husband. He was really stuck in the middle. He was going back and fourth between his parents trying to cater for their needs and basically helping them out with whatever they needed.

I was there offering my support always.

However, my problem is that I want to be intimate with my husband and he denies me. So I’m like ok I’ll try again another time. Another time has passed and yet I was denied once again. It really hurts me each time he does this. So 5 months passed and I had to find some answers.

I later go through his phone without permission (don’t @ me) I just had to. I found out that he’s been using and seeing escorts behind my back. He would go before work or after work. I wouldn’t know any different because I leave super early for work sometimes he works till late.

He started doing Uber deliveries and would go during this time (I found out from looking through his phone) . He is no longer doing this.

The day after I tried my best to bring up the issue and confront him. I didn’t go as far as saying that I went through his phone. I said things like “you don’t touch me anymore, it’s been months, are you getting it from somewhere, are you cheating on me” etc etc .

He got very defensive saying like if he was cheating he would be messaging all the time and coming home later. He then proceeded to cry and say that his brain is tired and that with his parents it’s affecting him a lot. He says that he can’t stop thinking about his parents and just wants his parents to get back together.

I asked him about us being intimate he said it’s because of his performance anxiety and we will only do it when he wants to do it.

I have been nothing but been a supportive wife, I don’t complain or try to argue because I hate conflict. I'm not very good with defending myself or having come backs. I just shut down.

I’ve even considered tracking him by leaving my Apple Watch in his car and seeing where he goes. I’ve even looked at secret cameras for the house. But I haven’t.

Honestly the weird thing is that he can say that he loves me and act so normal towards me. Yet I know what he’s doing is absolutely shady.

I can’t leave him because he is the love of my life. Apart from this stupid behaviour he’s actually such a lovely person.

Is using escorts a form of cheating?

How do I make him tell me he is using escorts behind my back? Or even how do I bring it up? I can’t just say I’ve looked through your phone and I found all this evidence.

I’m so confused and I have no more tears left to cry.

if you’ve made it this far, thank you.