Husband with Narcissism and Bipolar Disorder
Hi everyone,
This is my first time writing about this, and I’m pretty scared to do so. A little back story. My husband and I got married when we were 17 and 19 when he was getting into the military, which I know now I should have waited, but he seemed like the amazing man I knew for a long time. Fast forward 5 years later, and we’re living in my parents basement due to him getting out of the military and cannot afford housing at the moment.
Ever since we moved home it’s been different. But what recently has grabbed my attention is what my husband has been saying and doing.
We have a one year old daughter that never wants to go to him, and he blames that on me. When he never puts in any effort to take care of her, even when I have to ask him too.
But 2 weeks ago he texted, yes texted, me that I have completely changed. His words were, “You are so hard to love.” “You did a 180 after having our daughter.” And more. But after that day he hasn’t talked ti me much, unless he wants sex. Which I don’t know why he would think that I want to have sex with him after saying that to me.
This leads me to today. My sister wanted to get her nails done and offered to pay for me. He yelled at my sister and said, “Well Taylor better shit out the money, because I’m not paying for them.” So nothing else was said after that. We left and went and got our nails done and ran some errands. During getting our nails done, he texted me. “Where tf are you.” I didn’t hear the message go off, so then he says, “Well I’ll go fuck myself.” I heard that message go off, and I tried to calm down the situation, and I thought I did. He asked me to get him some alcohol and I agreed. But then he said, “You better hurry the fuck up.” I asked why and then he said, “I’ll get my shit. You worry about yours and I’ll worry about mine. Like always.” Nothing else after that.
Now I’m at home and he hasn’t said anything to me. Gives me really nasty looks, but hasn’t said anything to me.
I feel like I’m going crazy. Im trying my hardest. I go to college full
time, I work full time, and I have a baby to take care of.
There are so many things that lead me to reach out to someone, but this is the most recent thing that has happened. I just need to know if I’m going crazy or not. Is this how a relationship should be?
@2020mom09 That sounds quite toxic and abusive. Saying you're hard to love is not okay. It's good you are aware he has some mental health issues that may be causing his behavior, but that doesn't mean you have to endure being treated like that. Maybe you could stay with your sister for a bit?
We currently live with my parents because we can’t afford a house. We make good money but he really likes to spend. I know that I shouldn’t have to put up with these things.. but the guilt eats at me and I feel like I failed him. Even though I know none of this is really my fault. I wish I could stay with my sister but she lives an hour away, since I’m a full time stufent with a full time job it makes my options limited
i have bipolar disorder and he could be having episodes more frequently due to something he’s dealing with or maybe the stress of living in your parents basement. i cant say exactly how’s he’s feeling bc im not him but just try your best to do what you’re doing. encourage him to seek therapy or go on medications. medications really helped me “balance” out because when you have bp you only usually feel in extremes. i highly recommend both to him. im so sorry that he is projecting onto you and you don’t deserve that at all.
@2020mom09,
Has he ever shown similar behavior before? I am asking because if not, something happened to him. The army maybe. Does he have a friend he trusts and that you could talk to? Action needs to be taken, now.