I Think I want to Break up...

My partner and I have been together for over 10 years now. We've been living together for 8 of those 10 years and currently live with two roommates who are good friends with both of us. We've even adopted a cat together and I suspect, when life will allow, he plans to propose to me when we go on vacation.

But I've been thinking about breaking up with him for weeks now.

Now, you might be wandering, "What was it that broke the camel's back? What happened?" But the answer to that isn't as simple as one might think because there wasn't any major event. He didn't say anything bad, he didn't miss any important date or anything like that, he didn't cheat, he hasn't ever hit me. It sounds so stupid, and I feel like a complete beeeeaatch for saying it, but it's a bunch of little things. It's the same bunch of little things that been bothering me for years because at the end of the day, this is maybe the 6th or 7th time I've seriously considered or even tried breaking up with him.

He's been diagnosed since childhood with ADHD. I myself have never been formally diagnosed, but after talking with our female roommate who also has ADD, I suspect I either also have ADD or am somewhere on the autism spectrum. I have also been diagnosed with clinical depression since I was 12 years old. I give you this context to explain that we both have our own mental health issues, and we've been dealing with them for a very very long time, before we even got into this relationship.

I understand that he has ADHD. I understand that his brain doesn't work the same way mine does, and that I have to be patient and remind him about things sometimes. We've even divided up the chores up for tasks that he claims he can see better, or likes to do more because he can see the progress. His only responsibilities at home are to Help keep the sink empty by loading and unloading dishes, and to Vacuum the stairs.

He's currently unemployed and home all day, playing video games and streaming on twitch, and has been since the start of the Pandemic. By comparison, I was fired from my pre-covid job, had to get a retail gig to feed the cat, and eventually found the position where I am currently, working 8.5 hours a day with two hours of transit everyday. I'm not trying to tell him that "Hey you're unemployed now! Become the house maid!" Because that's not fair, but I do think that if every single member of your household has to work, and has to transit multiple hours a day for work, you should maybe try and help them out by making sure the house is at least nice when they come home, instead of waiting until I can't take the mess anymore and manic clean the whole condo.

I also feel that I shouldn't have to explain to a 30+ year old man that if he doesn't brush his teeth or shower regularly, I'm not going to want to kiss him or cuddle him. I know I have explained that to him before, but like everything I try and bring up an issue, it's either a) going to change for the better for like a week before sliding right back into old habits or b) going to be blamed on ADD.

Those two major problems, the helping me upkeep cleaning around the house and upkeeping his own personal hygiene, have been issues since day one of our relationship, and in all honesty I think I've tried to break up with him about 5 times for these reasons alone. The most recent development however is sort of hard to explain, and I hope I don't sound too crazy or over dramatic or whatever.

He's always been a confident sort of guy, but more recently it just feels like plain arrogance. He's always the lead in every conversation, and even if your talking, or telling a story, if you say something that reminds him of something that he feels he has to say, he's going to cut you off and just start talking, because, "Sorry, I got ADD, If I don't say it now I'll forget it forever."

If you're sitting down playing video games, or watching YouTube, and he has something to tell you, he's just going to come up and start talking, no "Hey you busy?" Or " hey you got a sec?" Just straight up 'I have something to say and whatever you were saying or doing has to be put onto the back burner while I talk.' I have explained to him several time that by doing that he's making me feel like I don't matter, like everything about me is being placed second to him and whatever random thought that creeped into his head, but he still does it! Maybe 20% of the time he catches himself and will them pause, wait for you to pause whatever it was you were doing, give him your full undivided attention and then continue to talk about his thing. It really just makes me feel like a background character in His world, you know?

I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point, again, because I think this is about the 6th or 7th time I've seriously considered ended it with him.

He's always talked me out of it before, with reasons like-

-We weren't in a good enough financial position to survive being single.

-Every couple fights and our fights make us stronger.

- My depression has lead to issues too. (Which it totally has)

- I'm asexual, it's going to be hard for me to find another guy willing to put up with that.

-He loves me and is going to try and do better for me.

Now I know I've spend the last while ranting and raving about my partner, but I am by no means perfect either. I don't really know how to cook, I'm pretty bad at actually talking about my feelings until they reach a breaking point, and I can really get into a funk when it comes to my depression. I tend to be avoidant in my attachment style, and I basically live in my own head when it comes to disassociating.

I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this....