I cant breath.

I cant breath, I feel like im drowning. A cold shaking fear over takes me as my heart races. I hear the blood rush to my head and my vison flickers. Flashes of the worse night play in my head. I feel the ropes again. I smell gas and booze. I hear his breathing as i relive that horror again and again. I cant fight it. My depression has come back 10x worse then ever before. My anxiety is through the roof. I have panic attacks where i end up on the floor in the corner of the bathroom, drenced in sweat, palms bleeding from where my nails broke the skin, struggling not to pass out from not breathing right. My husband doesnt notice anything that im going through. I feel so alone and weak. I feel like i cant talk to anyone or show them how bad i am. I dont want to be locked up. I cant handle being restrained ever again.