Idk what I want

This is just for me, no comments please.

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I’ve been trying to figure out what it is I want, exactly. I mean, yes I ultimately want a stable relationship with commitment. But like. My options are not like this at the moment. And my soulmate is being weird. I don’t think he knows what he wants either.

if he gave me the option to be with him, I’d be with him. But I will not partake in a love triangle. So we are just being “friends” ...even though we love each other. He’s being such an idiot.

But I also honestly really care about this other connection I have. And it’s new ish and exciting. I think I could be happy w him.

I can’t just wait around. I’ve waited and waited. And I didn’t get anything out of it. So he might be my soulmate, but I can’t control his actions. I might have to find happiness elsewhere.

the problem is my mind. It travels and I think about the past. And I think about options I shouldn’t be thinking about. I can’t settle and I can’t show my soulmate that I’m “willing” to only be physical. Because I’m always going to want more than that. It’s just hard to resist I guess. I mean...he’s not helping. He keeps flirting. I’ve restrained myself.

Overall, I think I know that I can’t be the third party situation. No matter how good it feels temporarily to get that attention from him. It isn’t the commitment I need.

I’m just tired. This connection gives me a headache. Because he can’t take a chance on me. And I don’t fully understand why.

I’m so tired.

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This is just for me, no comments please.

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