I dont know what to do

Hi, so me and my partner has been together for almost a year. Recently my mental health has been getting worse and I feel very emotional which has been hard on him. We are in a long distance relationship so its hard to connect to eachother as it is.

For the past two days I’ve been feeling sad, and I decided to try to tell my partner about this. I know he struggles to talk about stuff regarding to health because it feels triggering to him. Negative emotions is something he kinda pushes away with logic, he just is that kind of guy and I dont blame or judge him for that.

I haven’t talked about how I’m feeling to him before because he always gives me logical advice on how to solve the problem, when I just wish he could comfort and listen to me. Yesterday when I said I was feeling sad he didnt say or do anything in particular. I could feel that he didnt know what to say to me so I said goodnight. His lack of care really hurts me even though I try to see it from his point of view.

This morning I wake up to a text message where he writes that he needs to take a couple of days and think about us. I feel like I’m breaking in some way, which probably shows that I lean on him too much. I felt like I’ve ruined everything and that I always seem to mess up everything good I have.

I thought about it for a couple of hours and contacted him even though he asked for a couple of days. I just didnt know how I could go on feeling like I did, I know it is selfish of me and that I shouldve let him have his time to think but I was just so scared of losing him.

When we texted I felt like he hated me for what I was doing to him and he told me that he was suffering and felt cornered because of me. After some texting I ask him to say what he was thinking the other night when I talked about how I have problems with cleaning my apartment and my general sadness. I’ve been having troubles dealing with my life and I just feel like all I am is a bother to people around me, but I dont think he can see that. He isnt a generally mean guy, he might not be the most empathic person but he tries.

He answers that he thought ”stop whining about unneccessary shit and get your life together, who the fuck cares if you cleaned or not” and then he says that he was upset at the moment and thats why he didnt wanna tell me. He is right, in a way, I really should get my life together, but I cant seem to do it no matter how hard I try. I said that I wished for him to just listen to me, that I most likely know the answer on how to fix it but that I’m feeling upset and could need someone to listen to me. He says that he is not good with that shit and that he dont know if he can do that.

I just feel so worthless and lonely. I know I dont have anything in general to complain about, I havent suffered a great loss or anything. But I still feel like I deserve to be treated better than this. My thoughts are very jumbled at the moment, I hate myself because of how I feel and because Im so emotional all the time but I also feel so disappointed in my boyfriend for not being the support I need.

Im so so sorry for writing this long thing, I understand if you wont read it all. Thank you for your time.