I got tired of hating someone I loved

@Nini16,

Thank you so much for your post,it means a lot to me,I don't easily open up to people in real life,so online sharing is .more convenient for me.I didn't want to let .my son interact with his father (they talk over the phone,though) because I am always afraid his father will be a bad influence on him with his. behaviour ,meaning giving an example of not sticking with his family and choosing his affair life over us.I am a firm believer in commitment,responsibility and once you have a child,that's it,you need to make your child and family a priority.His affair was very hard for me to deal with,the sense of betrayal and all but finally,I've come to realise that I have chosen the wrong type of person for a partner,obviously his beliefs are not like mine,we are not of the same mould so to speak.I wanted so bad to show my kid what a happy family life looks like,to give an example for him for his future life,I really think we ,as parents,should lead our children by example but I cannot do this on my own,if the other partner does not consider the family a priority.He neglected me for quite a long time before we separated,I believe he has traits of a covert narcissistic,maybe all the relationship was in my head ,maybe I just miss the idea of the person and the story that I have about our life together.I try to learn the lessons here and move on eventually.I have been through some really tough time and need to find some peace with this situation and move on.His father wanted to give him a new mobile phone as a gift ,they had a meal at a nearby place and do you know the interesting part about the bill they had to pay?My son told me that he saw his father take out a lot of money when he was paying the bill,my son told me "Mum,I've never seen so much money",he probably meant cash money,and his father is telling me that he had been saving money for a year and a half to buy an air-conditioned and has a bank loan ,that his bank account is empty and he needs to wait for his next salary and that the sum of money he sent us this month (after years of not sending anything but the choldcsupport,and I never asked him for money,but this summer I just cannot get enough money,sk I accepted the small sum of money,mainly fotfmy son who needs daily allowance etc.Just a couple of days later he is trying to guilt-tripping me into believing that because he sent the money to us,he shousd wait for his next pay-check to pay for some blinds he is going to have put?Poor guy,how dare we complain ,look at the poor victim,him!What do you make of it?How does the situation sound to an outsider,to me it sounds like manipulative behaviour.When I told him what the kid commented,he denied and came up with the explanation that he had just taken out his wallet to pay the bill.When we were together,he always told me how greedy I was because I expected to be given presents on special occasions and wanted to go on holidays from time to time as a family,accused me of sending all his money(not that he had much money back then).My personal belief is that he started the affair because the woman would help him get more money.It's just a feeling that I have.I think he expected her to promote him,secure higher social status,typical of narcissists,give him narcissistic supply.He put her on the phone when we were together and then tried to gaslight me that I was imagining things and that no woman answered the phone.I thought I must have dialled the wrong number and for years I believed it.Now he never mentions this woman and I am not sure if I should confront him about it,whether he lives with her or not,I have no idea.I just don't want him to gaslight my son as well by pretending he is single the way I am.I have this feeling that he leads a double life and tries to keep them separate,or maybe the woman is married and has an extramarital affair with him,I don't know and if I ask him he will most probably lie to me.It's a long post but I had to put it out!