I have a question about red flags.
My partner sometimes hits things like doors and walls when he is angry.
I have talked to his mother, friends and even his ex about it. They all say i dont have to worry about that. He only hits objects when angry. And has only hit someone to defend himself against physical violence already happening.
He said he got it from his father. Whom he grew up watching him get angry and yelly and punching things around him, but never people.
He has never even seen his father throw something at or towards his mother, let alone actually lay a hand on her.
But, i have seen my own mom fall into abusive relationships and i have been in one already, so i want to break the cycle and not fall into one.
I personally dont worry about if he would get physically angry with me, he barely gets verbally angry at me.
I just dont want to miss a red flag and regret it in the end.
@MapOfFire
Hey map!
It sounds like you are scared of these outbursts and it's making you feel unsafe. It's good that you spoke to others to get their perspective on the situation, but it's important to also feel valid with your concerns. In spite of the reassurances by others, I'd also feel concerned too. Have you expressed that these outbursts make you uncomfortable with your partner? Perhaps a compromise can be had if you express how much it concerns you. Even if there is not a personal threat, it's important to feel safe and happy.
Good luck and take care! 
xx
@MapOfFire
Sorry, last post auto-filed without me being able to enter anything. Anyway....
Something to think about as well is that going to counseling might not only be good for your relationship and your safety, but for his mental health as well. He may not even be aware, and the people in his life might not be aware, of his his anger management is impacting him, and from there impacting you and your relationship with him. Violence is not really a healthy expression of frustration, and he may be having a hard time vocalizing the things that are bothering him, which lead to the outbursts. Healthy management of emotions is an important adult skill that doesn't come without good examples to follow. For your sense of safety, for the health of your relationship, and for his mental wellness, counseling is a very positive choice. @MapOfFire
Thank you all for the responses.
He isn't into the idea of anger management classes, because he doesnt think he really has an issue. And it's not as common as it sounds, maybe once ever few months he has a big outburst. But even when someone raises their voice a little i get scared.
We have talked about hanging up a heavy bag when we get a new place with the space, but i am afraid that supplying something to let him punch it out like that might make a habbit of using physical violence to express the anger. (I.e, my stepfather was a boxer, and he turned out to be abusive).
Im not necessarily intimidated by him. We have done many things in our relationship to give me an upper hand so i dont feel powerless. We dont fight, we talk. And when we talk i sit higher than him so i dont feel so small. We have an everyday, every situation safety word, once said we take a little pause to calm down, or we know that we did something wrong. We have a one hit rule. If either of us ever hit the other in an abusive way, even if it was 'an accident', the relationship is over.
I was just scared that maybe him hitting those things when angry could be a red flag im missing.
Im tired of leaving relationships too late after they get abusive, and regretting every second i spend with them. I don't want to feel like that about this one.
@MapOfFire
I feel that if anything makes you uncomfortable physically or emotionally, that in itself is a red flag. However with that being said, nobody can truly say if him hitting walls is a prerequisite to physical abuse but I still think your feelings are valid. I like your idea about the heavy bag but it seems to still make you feel uneasy. Perhaps if he instead goes to a gym, which would be outside of the house and away from you would better when he needs to let out some steam. What do you think? 